Too lovely, maybe.
I lift my fists. “Right or left?”
He snorts. “Fuck this losing game.”
“Do you really want to renounce one of two prizes, both of inestimable cash value- “
He takes my left fist, gently peels my fingers back, and holds my eyes as he brings my palm to his mouth and-
“Ouch.”
“It’s what you get.” His lips brush against the soft bite he left there. I try not to shiver as he slides lower, to the mark on my inner wrist. His eyes do odd things as he inhales deeply.
“Killer,” he murmurs. “You smell . . .”
“Good? Bad? Musty? Like beignet?”
He lets go of my arm. Runs his tongue over his teeth. “Close. You smell close.”
I feel close, too. “You chose left. Therefore, you get a premium- “
“Cut the crap.”
“Fine. I’m going to show you something. Come.”
He follows me to my bedroom, but when my hand wraps around the doorknob, he grips my wrist to stop me.
“Give me a second,” he orders. Trancelike. Foggy.
“I- Why?”
“Your scent is really intense here.” It takes him a little more than a second, but he does get himself under control. Ushering him inside feels like an epoch-making moment, which might be dumb of me. We’re not co- signing a mortgage. I’m not even asking him to be my emergency contact for spinning class. The way I hold my breath doesn’t make sense.
And yet here I am. Wringing my hands as some guy looks at the weird, fort-like structure of pillows, blankets, comforters. Everything is plush, knit, soft. Last night I moved the bed into the alcove by the window, and above it I strung the fairy lights Ana must have left months ago. They tinge the place a warm, blurry yellow, much better than the unforgiving ceiling lamp. Also: they make the numerous items of Koen’s clothing I’ve pilfered harder to spot.
“Remember when Layla mentioned nests?” My voice trembles. “I’ve been working on this for a while. Honestly, I’m just relieved that this new penchant of mine for acquiring shit is just a phase. And . . .” I notice that the placement of the lavender velvet pillow is off. “Sorry, this is a bit . . .” I move closer. Rearrange it over and over until it’s just right. Deal with a domino-like cascade of imperfections that need to be fixed right now. A minute- or seventeen- later, a moment of clarity smashes into me. I look back at Koen. “Am I being absolutely insane?”
“I . . . believe this might be common,” he says. Uncharacteristically diplomatic.
“God. Do you- do you like it?”
He stares at the bed with a blank expression that my single brain cell interprets as disapproval.
“I can redo it. Right now, if you- “
“Don’t . . . I’m sure it’s pretty. My instincts don’t really lean toward the aesthetics and architectural integrity of nesting.”
I frown. “What instincts do you have?”
“They are much less wholesome.” His laugh is a half groan. “Less about making nests, and more about . . . wrecking them.”
Because that’s the point of a nest. I made it in a fugue-like state, an automaton on a flow experience. But while I was obsessing over every square inch of it, I never stopped to wonder what I’d do once it was ready.
It’s obvious now that
I made this one for
Koen to-
Yeah.
I should not be this blindsided.
“What was in the right?” Koen asks, voice rough-edged. He’s behind me. Closer than a moment ago.
“What?”
“If I had chosen the right hand, what would I have gotten?”
“Nothing as exciting as a mound of blankets.”
“That’s for me to judge.”
I turn around. “I would have told you something.”
“What?”
“Can’t say, or you’ll have both prizes.”
“Would it be that bad?”
“It wouldn’t be realistic. I told you, real life requires choices.”
He grunts, annoyed, and leans back against the desk. A thousand warm little pangs gnaw at my body. Comfort and hunger and heartache and love and inevitability, all swirling in my belly.
Maybe tonight is different. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad, to bend the rules of reality. “I would have told you that . . . that you don’t have to do what you’re about to do.” My heart thumps slowly, loudly. Feverish. “If you help me through my Heat, it’ll be at great cost to you. If the Assembly ever found out, it would be a disaster. So I would have told you: thank you, I appreciate the offer, but I cannot ask this of you.”
“You don’t- “
“Need to ask. Yup, that’s what you would have said. And I would have pushed back a little- told you that I’m willing to deal with this on my own, because I wouldn’t want you to regret it afterward.”
“You can’t- “
“But you would have seen through it. So I would have asked you whether you arranged for someone to cover your absence in the next few days. And you’d have said . . . Amanda?”
He nods, displeased in that endearing way of his.
“And that’s when I would have told you how . . .” I take a deep, shaky breath. “I would have told you how vulnerable I’ve been feeling in the past year. Stripped of my life. My identity. My agency. My health. And now, of the most personal thing of all. A few hours from now, I’ll be out of my mind. I will be a creature made of need, beyond thought. And you will take care of me exemplarily, like always. You will . . . You will kiss me, and touch me, and fuck me, because it’s what I require, and those will be the memories I carry for the rest of my life: you, satisfying my needs. And I would have tried to make you understand that I . . . I want more. I would like some real memories of us. Not because we’ve been cornered into it by biology and circumstances, but because being together is what we both want. So, while I’m still in control, I would have asked you to . . . to kiss me, and . . .”
Koen doesn’t come to me. He leans forward and pulls me into him with a tug at my wrist. I offer no resistance and stumble into his arms. “Yeah?”
I nod. He hunches forward. Cups my head and uses his thumb to tilt my jaw upward, lips brushing against mine. Then he makes me wait.
More Kickass Werewolf Reads
Dive into our collection of free werewolf romance novels—where fierce Alphas, daring heroines, and heart-stopping twists await. Every story burns with forbidden desire, loyalty, and destiny. Don’t wait—here’s a world where love bites hard and nothing is stronger than the call of the mate.
Leave a Reply