I blow out a breath as relief floods me. The last thing I want is for my body to force my mates into being fathers, especially this soon. We still have so much to learn about each other. I have thought about it, but I don’t even know if they want kids, because it felt too soon to have those kinds of conversations. We already have Jax, and although I’d love a sibling for him, now doesn’t feel the right time for any of us.
Cora hands me a small paper bag that she pulls from behind a cushion. “This is the only real option you have for right now, until you can visit a human doctor to arrange something long term, which I don’t suggest you do until your current heat cycle is over.”
I open the bag and peer inside to find a package of condoms. I look back up at her with raised eyebrows. “But what if it’s too late for these?”
“If you’re still in heat, then it’s not too late,” she winks.
“Thank you,” I huff a laugh, feeling so much more at ease already.
“So now we have the awkward stuff out of the way, how about some tea or coffee?” She offers.
The thought of coffee makes me feel queasy. I think my nerves are too shot for it today. “Tea would be great.”
We head into the kitchen, Ryder and Parker staying behind but still close enough that I can sense them.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, I’ll answer what I can,” she says as she fills the kettle with water.
“How are the rest of the pack with you?”
Her smile falters. “That’s harder. I won’t lie to you, it never really goes away. Most of the females around my age resented me from the moment they realised I’d bonded to him. They saw me as someone who stole a potential mate from them, even though fate had already decided. It was lonely at first, but they’re not all bad.”
My stomach drops. That’s what I’d feared, what I’d felt in the glances thrown my way and some of the less than friendly comments.
“But,” she adds, leaning forward, “it was worth it. Every scowling look, every whispered word, none of that matters when I’m with him. Because when he looks at me, everything else. becomes irrelevant. He doesn’t see a human who doesn’t belong, he sees his mate, and that is everything.”
I want to believe her, want to cling to the promise that it’s worth it, because how could it not be?
We talk for a long while. She explains the heat cycles and how unpredictable they can be, sometimes lasting days, sometimes only hours, sometimes vanishing for months before returning stronger. She describes the wolf behaviors I might see from my mates, their protectiveness, their heightened aggression to other males, their relentless focus on me when I’m in heat. She tells me about the tug of the bond, the way it makes separation unbearable at times, and I realise I’ve already felt some of that, that raw ache whenever they’re gone too long.
“I’m scared I won’t be enough. That I’ll fail them somehow,” I admit.
Her eyes lock on mine, and I see nothing but how kind she is. “You will feel that a hundred times over, Paige. But here’s the truth… you don’t have to be enough for them. You already are. The bond wouldn’t exist if you weren’t. Fate doesn’t make mistakes.”
Her words sink in deep, soothing something inside me. I know my mates have said the same thing, but that’s their job. With Cora, I feel like she is not just telling me what I want to hear to make me feel less insecure.
When the conversation finally slows, Ryder clears his throat from the other room. Reminding me that time is passing, that Jaxon is somewhere outside playing with strangers’ children.
“I should get going,” I sigh, standing from the kitchen table.
Cora stands too and takes my hands in hers before I can step away. “It won’t be easy, but when you lie down tonight with them at your side, remember that you’re not alone.”
“Thank you, Cora, you’ve no idea how much you’ve helped me today.”
Outside, the sounds of Jaxon’s laughter hit me. His bright and carefree giggles rise above the rest.
We round the corner, and I see him in the tree-line, crouched in the grass with a group of kids. Callen is kneeling nearby, showing them how to stack sticks into some kind of fort, while Remy stands back a little, his arms folded over his chest, and his eyes scanning the area. I catch a faint smile tugging at his mouth when Jax runs past him with something in his hand.
My chest aches watching it. My son, so at ease in a place that still feels like a battlefield of stares and judgment to me.
I glance at Ryder, then back at Jaxon, and for the first time all day, I let myself breathe a little easier. Because maybe Cora is right. Maybe it’s all worth it.
** Ryder’s POV **
More Hawards
I stay beside Paige as we watch the pack kids. Jax is playing with them as if he’s always been here. They don’t treat him like the new kid or an outsider. They don’t look at him like a leader either. To them, he’s just a pack kid the same as any other. Watching him run and laugh with them does something to me. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling, and my heart swells in my chest. We should be getting Paige home, but I let myself watch for a moment longer than I should.
Inside Cora’s cabin, Paige asked the questions she had been afraid to ask us. What the heat felt like, if she’d still be herself, whether a body like hers could be made into something else by those who loved her.
Cora’s answers had been exactly what was needed, and she had given Paige condoms until we could get her to a human doctor for something more permanent. Growing up as a human, condoms were not a foreign concept to me, but here, in wolf packs, they’ve never really had a purpose.
My human side wars with my wolf side on the subject of contraception and procreation. My beliefs as a wolf are that, with our population declining, we should be doing everything we can to increase it with as many strong pups as possible, but the part of me that was raised human has different views. It should be a choice, not an expectation. Not everyone wants children, and that’s okay. Yet when I look at my child, the one I never planned, I can’t imagine choosing not to have him.
I wonder how Remy and Parker are going to feel about it all? They have been raised as wolves their whole lives. They only know this way of life. To them, one of the main purposes of finding a mate is to breed.
My mind keeps looping back to the way Paige relaxed when Cora said, “You don’t have to be enough for them, you already are.” I watched the relief settle over her shoulders, and I wish I could hold it there forever.
The pack’s safety is always my job, but Paige’s feelings and sense of self-worth need a different kind of guarding. I would do anything to protect her that way too, even if I have to fight a battle with her other mates. I won’t let them make her feel less if she doesn’t want more children. As a human, that is her right, and I’ll make sure she keeps it.
I feel the mental prickle that tells me the mind-link is opening, and I let it.
“So what did she say?” Callen asks.
Hour Pewaris
I brace for an argument, schooling my features so Paige doesn’t suspect it’s happening. “The heat is similar to a wolf’s, but as a human, there are measures that can be taken to prevent pregnancy. Cora gave her condoms as a temporary solution.”
There’s a beat of silence before Remy speaks. “Condoms?”
“Human things.” Callen says. “They’re better than nothing, but they can break, especially with heat.”
“I know what they are. I have watched TV, you know,” Remy snaps. “But why would we need them? The whole point of a heat is…”
“It doesn’t matter what the point is for us.” I cut in. “Paige does not have the same instincts we do. She gets to decide, it’s her body, her choice.”
“Agreed,” Parker says. “Let’s drop this until we have a chance to discuss it with her. This is. Conversation she should be a part of.”
“There’s something else we need to discuss between ourselves before we talk to her, though. Something you may not like,” I say cautiously.
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