“I get it. It’s hard sometimes. The world can be a heavy place.” She nudged my hand. “Why don’t you come have dinner with me tonight? Get your mind off things?”
Having dinner with a friend sounded nice. I was always so isolated, which made it easier to keep my secrets and prevent the heartache I’d felt upon being exiled. The same heartache I was feeling now that Aurelius was no longer around. Sometimes it was easier to be lonely than to put yourself out there and experience the pain that could come.
“I’ve got a lot to do,” I lied. “So much on my plate right now. I’d love to, if I wasn’t busy.”
Lorraine didn’t look offended or put out by me declining her invitation. Instead, she winked at me knowingly. “That’s fine. One of these days I’ll pry you out of that shell of yours.’
“What shell?”
“You know what I mean,” she said with a chuckle. “You use your humor and sarcasm as a crutch. You hide behind it. I could see it the first week you worked here. I’m patient. One day.”
Her directness did break through a bit, and I chuckled.
“You got me,” I said, pointing at her. “You’ve cracked through and seen the truth. I don’t know why I tried to hide it from the great Lorraine McCormick. I should have known. She’s a psychic, and a powerful one, at that.”
Laughing, she made a shooing motion with her hands. “Get out of here. Go do some work and leave an old woman alone, you little smart-ass.”
“Lorraine,” I said, crossing my arms. “I’m not little, and neither is my ass.”
“You know what I mean,” she said and made like she was going to slap my arm as I left.
Our talk improved my mood a bit, and I did a better job of keeping my sadness hidden. By the time I returned home late that afternoon, though, the heaviness of the day had come crashing back down. By any estimation, it had been a good day, but as I stepped into the elevator to go up to our floor, my loneliness nearly swallowed me whole.
Delphine noticed it as soon as I walked in. She was pouring a pot of steaming pasta into a colander in the sink to drain when I stepped in. Her eyes narrowed a bit at whatever expression was on my face.
“Rough day?” she asked.
“Sort of,” I muttered as I slumped into a chair at the table. “Thanks for making dinner.”
Delphine placed a plate of spaghetti with meatballs and red sauce before me, along with a basket of rolls and a bowl of salad. She always made the meals. I could cook, but she almost always took charge and handled it. I rarely even noticed it anymore. It was just something that happened. But at that moment, I felt more like a burden to her than a friend. It was as though I was still a young kid she had to take care of, and that thought filled me with overwhelming guilt. The only person I could truly be honest and open with, the closest thing I’d had to a mother since being turned away from my own family, and I treated her like a slave.
“Here, let me do that.” I stood quickly and took the block of parmesan cheese and grater from her.
“It’s fine,” she said, nudging me aside.
Flopping back down, I allowed her to do the cheese. When she sat opposite me and began to eat her salad, I poked at the food with my fork. My mind spiraled down deeper with every second.
After a few minutes, she put her fork down. “That’s it. Out with it. I can’t stand seeing my girl like this.”
My girl
? Well, fuck. Here came the goddamned waterworks.
I let out one single sob, and tears streamed down my face. Delphine’s smile vanished as her face crumpled in concern.
“Elle?”
I wiped my eyes and sniffled. “After all these years, my family still finds a way to let me know how much they hate me. As soon as I think I’ve put it all behind me, something new pops up. It’s almost like they realized it’s been a few years since they fucked with my head, and they do something to make sure I know how worthless and embarrassing I am to them.”
“Oh, my sweet girl. Come here,” Delphine said and stood, opening her arms.
She wasn’t the touchy-feely type. She was kind and had basically raised me through adulthood, but she’d never been one for physical touch. Seeing her with her arms wide, beckoning me to her, made my heart ache even more. Never in my life had I needed a hug more than right then.
Leaping up from the table, I fell into her arms, dwarfing her tiny form. I rested my forehead on her shoulder, sobs wracking my body.
Delphine rubbed my back, letting me get out years of frustration, heartbreak, and shame. My tears soaked into her shirt and hair.
“Your family are idiots,” she finally said, hissing the words out in more anger than I’d ever heard from her.
“Delphine
!”
Even prior to my banishment, Delphine had been a loyal and long-time servant to House Laurent. She’d been one of my mother’s assistants and had basically grown up with her. In all the years I’d known the woman, I’d never once heard her utter a single bad word about them.
“You heard me.” She scowled, but her face softened as she smoothed down my hair. “They are idiots. At least, most of them. Colette was always pleasant and kind with you, and I still hold out hope for Freddy and Sophia, but the others are all blinded by the old ways and the old ideas. So blinded that they can’t see this beautiful and funny girl.” She shook her head sadly. “I’ve waited all these years thinking they would come to their senses. That letter from your mother sealed it, though. They’ve turned their backs on you, and probably will forever.”
I let out another small sob, but choked back another flood of tears. Delphine grasped my chin in her hand, holding my face so I had no choice but to look into her eyes.
“I will tell you this. I will never turn my back on you.”
My eyes throbbed from the tears I’d spilled. Emotion welled up inside me, and I had no idea how to get it out. I wanted to scream, rage, cry, do a million things to try and get the awful beast inside me to go away. Something about the way she looked at me made me feel a hundred times worse and a thousand times better.
“Once upon a time, I respected your family. Especially your mother,” Delphine said, then lifted her chin defiantly. “But now,
Ihate them. I hate them for what they did to you back then, and I hate them for what they are doing to you. Your family turned you out, but I’m your family now.” She swallowed once, and tears shone in her eyes. “I don’t have a daughter, but you…you’re the closest I’ll ever have. I hope it’s okay that I said that.”
Words wouldn’t come, only more tears. All I could do was nod. I felt ashamed that I’d never noticed it before, had never put the pieces together. This was why she’d chosen to stay with me after I came of age. She loved me. I loved her too. She was right, we were family, whether there was any blood to connect us or not.
My past had forced me to be so guarded with my emotions that I’d never told her how I felt, always afraid of being hurt again. Maybe if I hadn’t felt this way, I’d have taken some initiative and kissed Aurelius; I could have told Delphine I loved her; I could have cussed out my family and told them to go fuck themselves. A hundred things could have happened differently.
Delphine smiled as I continued to nod my head. She picked up a napkin and used it to blot my tears and wipe my nose. Then, her eyes brightened.
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