“This is the gateway to your mind. From here, we will traverse your inner psyche, and thereby prove or disprove who and what you really are.”
“All right.” I swallowed hard. “How are you here, if this is my mind?”
He tapped his temple. “Old magic. Old magic, and a small serving of the powder I gave you. It also makes it easy when you understand, as we fae do, that all are connected, all are from the source.”
The way he said that made it sound almost like a proper noun. The source? What kind of new wave horseshit was this?
“When you are connected, at the deepest level, communion is much easier for those adept at traveling it.”
“Okay, sure, whatever. Can we get on with this?”
“Indeed, we shall.” He snapped his fingers.
Without warning, my chair vanished and fell like a stone through space. Before I even registered what had happened, before I could scream, I stopped, hanging sideways like a bug caught in honey and staring at a wooded scene. The stars and black sky vanished in a blink. Ahead of me, a small cowering shadow huddled against a tree.
Jolan stood beside me. “This is the corner of your mind that processes fear. What do you see there?” he asked, pointing at the shadow.
“Can I get down first?” I asked.
Jolon grinned at me and shrugged. “It’s your mind. Do it yourself.”
Gritting my teeth, I concentrated and managed to right myself, then took a step forward. The shadows fell away, and I saw what lay beneath. A small pup, a wolf shivering against a tree, its tiny head swinging this way and that, howling in fear at every sound.
“Interesting,” Jolon said. “I doubt a skinwalker would have this in their mind. I interpret this as the fear of the unknown. A small wolf that is defenseless in a large and scary world.” He glanced my way and cocked an eyebrow. “Sounds familiar, perhaps?”
“Maybe,” I grumbled.
“Let’s see what else we might find here.” He snapped his fingers again.
This time, I managed to stay upright, and on my feet, though it still felt like I was in a box that was being shaken by giant hands. The forest was gone, and I stood in the sewing shop. It was empty, with no one around. My heart ached to see Lorraine, to have a familiar face to help me through this.
“This could be fake,” Jolon said, strolling from the back storeroom. “It is your basic ego. This is what your mind shows as the balance between your id and your super-ego. This is your safe space, and your mind has constructed this as a symbol, but it could be a glamor or implanted memory for show. Something that could try to trick even yourself into believing you are Brielle Laurent.”
“It’s not. This is where I work,” I said.
“I think there is truth there,” he said, “but I need more. More so that I can truly confirm to those in attendance you are who you say you are.”
Jolon walked around the counter, and approached me. “I need to put you into a place that is more uncomfortable. A place that will pull the true essence of yourself out. Are you prepared for that?”
“I’m not prepared for any of this.”
“Good,” he said. As fast as a snake striking out, he touched my forehead.
His touch was like a moth landing on my skin, but I flew backward as if I’d been blasted by a cannonball. On either side of me, the world blurred by like I was flying down a massive hallway, Jolon growing smaller and smaller until he was nothing but a speck. And then he was gone altogether.
When I finally stopped, I found myself in a dark room. A single, flickering candle cast pale orange tongues on the walls around me.
“Hello?” My voice echoed back to me, like I was in a massive cave rather than a small room.
“Why are you here?” a voice hissed from the darkness behind me.
Yelping in surprise, I spun around, but found no one there. The voice was familiar. Feminine. My mother.
“I said, why are you here,” she said again, this time on the other side of the room.
Turning again, I cried out. “Mom? Come out, so I can see you.”
Instead of my mother, a gray wolf stepped forward. Its paw entered the light first, followed by its mouth. Saliva dripped down its bared teeth as it snarled at me.
Instinctually, I backed away. Instead of bumping into the wall, I stepped on the soft paw of a second wolf. Jerking away, I turned to find my father’s brown and black colored wolf approaching, also growling at me, menace flashing in his eyes.
From the other side of the room, Bastien’s wolf stepped forward, but he spoke with his human voice.
“Liar. Fake. Imposter,” he said, his words hissing through my mind as if spoken by a snake.
Why were they saying this, if we were in my mind?
“Fraud,” my father said.
“Cheat,” my mother growled.
“I’m not,” I screamed. “I am Brielle.”
“There is only one way,” Jolon said, stepping forth from the final side of the room. “Once all has been stripped away, the truth, and the truth alone, will remain.”
“How do I strip it away?” I asked as the wolves drew nearer.
He pointed at the creatures closing in on me. “These are not your family. Remember, this is a construct of your mind. Your soul’s pathway. A road carved by magic into the deepest part of yourself. These,” he waved once more to the wolves, “are you?”
When I looked at the beasts, I couldn’t see anything in their eyes that reminded me of myself. All I saw was hatred and loathing. Anger at…
For the first time in years, I understood. This was how I saw myself. A fraud. Not a wolf but still a shifter, not a human but still in that world. I fit in nowhere, and deep down I chastised myself for it. None of this was my fault, and no matter how much I tried to tell myself I’d come to terms with it, I still hated myself for being half of something and never whole.
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