Then why bring me here for this? Why not tell me this back in my room and avoid this agony?
It’s sent mentally, defying him on his stance of linking anymore, unable to say what I need verbally as I stagger away from him and break into a run. Knowing leaving is a knee jerk reaction, but I have no space in me for this kind of pain right now, and I don’t want to stay and drag it out for what is next to come. I can’t handle it; I need to go back to my room and never let him close enough to feel ever again. He wanted me here for one reason only…. he has to declare his rejection of me to make it final. Screw him.
Lorey, wait. Please. Don’t go.
I ignore his mental pleas, coming at me desperately, struggling to breathe as I break into a super run and try to put distance between us. Sprinting and then hitting full stride as I skim over the landscape and clear fallen trees easily. Caught in my need to flee and focused on nothing else. Reverting to all fours as my body aches to transform and set me free, but I reign it in and shake it out of my head. I don’t want to be in wolf form when this distraught. That kind of loss of control can be devastating and forbidden.
I run with blurry vision, washed almost blind with my own tears and gasp when I’m suddenly yanked back, mid jump, and hauled backwards to tumble into a mossy patch in the forest floor with a thud, rolling and landing on all fours and instantly bristle defensively. Breathing heavily as I square up to my pursuer aggressively, a new feral kind of instinct I’ve never felt before, full on fierce initiated. I calm instantly when faced with Colton, his eyes glowing amber and equally poised for battle. We stay separated, panting, staring one another down, mere feet apart, closer than we should be, and fueled by pure painful emotion.
“You think this isn’t just as hard for me? That doing this is going to cure me of everything?” Colton’s desperate plea shines through his own broken words, breaking down my anger and shattering me into tiny pieces. “I had my life mapped out. Chose a mate I loved, and thought I knew what the future held. I didn’t think this could ever happen and now, I spend my every waking second wanting you, needing you, and thinking about you, until it drives me insane. The love I had for Carmen died, the second I imprinted on you, and I can’t get my head around any of this either. This isn’t a cure… it’s a necessity. For the good of our existence, our pack. No one will follow an Alpha or respect one who shackles a shamed wolf to his side.”
Anger overtakes me as jealousy twists my heart around at the mention of her name, the words coming from his mouth, making me irrationally furious at him once more. Heartbreak and sheer hatred for this situation coming out of every pore.
“Just let me go. This is pointless and you telling me these things, they don’t help. Just go away and leave me alone. I don’t want you near me ever again. I get it… reject me, say it, and be done with it. Save your precious pack and your honor and go to hell. I was never one of you anyway!” I snarl at him, wipe the sodden mess from my face with the back of my hand aggressively, full on faux bravado and put on the tough girl act as best I can. Literally swallowing my tears and gagging on the acid rising in my throat. Standing up to tower over him in his crouched position, adopting an air of ‘I don’t care anymore’ and will him to be done already. “I didn’t want this either. I was leaving, I had a plan and it was thousands of miles away from all of you. Especially your kind. Santo! ….. You’ve despised us for a decade, treated us with disdain and shunned us to the shadows of that damn orphanage. I spit on your family and all they are. You’re the last person in this world I would ever want to imprint on, so go…. go mark your mate and follow your destiny because it sure isn’t me. Go be with your chosen one and leave me to find one of my own. My heart will heal from whatever this was, faster than you can imagine, and you can stop pretending you don’t want her. I don’t want you either!”
It’s said in anger and heartbreak and I can’t conceal how much pain is ripping through me anymore. Turning, this time to walk away slowly, too exhausted for anything else and unable to maintain a run as fatigue overtakes me. All my energy is going into pulling on this hard outer shell and showing him, I don’t give a crap anymore.
“I love you. No matter what I do to try and break it; I can’t stop, and the thought of you being with another, kills me. There is no her anymore, Lorey. There’s just us. We imprinted and got to know one another in a split second, the way a lifetime of being together would. I feel like I’ve loved you that long, no matter how insane that sounds.” His words stop me in my tracks, and I inhale sharply. Stunned that he just came out and said it but saddened that he verbalized what the agony I have been suffering is called. Love! And the why, the fact it does feel like he’s been in my heart since the day I was born. Imprinting messes you up royally.
It made me love my mate as soon as it happened, because it makes you relive every second that came before, in your head within your own memories, with that person’s intwined even though they don’t belong to you. I have his life in my head; therefore, I’ve known him intimately that long. It’s insane, and he’s right. We can’t break it because we were never in control of it. Fate did this, dealt us a hand and a cruel joke and fate doesn’t like defiance. Knowing he feels as I do doesn’t make it any easier though. It doesn’t change a thing.
“It doesn’t mean anything. Your father was right when he told us to stay away and break the link. I can’t ever be what your father and the pack need, and you can’t ever be the mate I need. So, we shouldn’t do this again, it’s only torturing us more than we are already. Just say the damn words already, I don’t care.” I don’t know where this is coming from, this detached cold bitch, as words spill out of my mouth. It’s the exact opposite to what my heart craves and I turn to face him to further drive it home that I’m not playing, wiping my expression as clean as I can to show him nothing of how this is killing me. My words die on my lips when our eyes meet, and Colton looks as openly broken and disheveled as I am.
“You can’t lie to your mate, Lorey. I can feel you, even if what you’re saying sounds honest. I am what you need, and you’re what I need. Fate made it so… When you strip everything else away and it’s just us, here and now, with no one else to think about…. we need each other to feel sane. To stop this eternal agony and emptiness we’re both harboring.? We don’t need to pretend it’s any other way. There should never be lies between us.” We both stand in hopeless silence as he gets up to stand too, towering over me by at least a foot, yet we’re still at least three apart. He doesn’t hesitate and closes the gap, pulls me to him by the waist, gently, his touch searing my skin, even through my clothes and I can’t deny that I do need him. I can’t fight it.
Bringing his forehead to mine, he places us together so his breath fans my face, impulsively, I close my eyes and inhale his scent. Our connection only drives home that we are meant to be like this. It’s familiar, safe, and home… Where skin touches, amazing things happen and the energy which sizzles between us is incomparable. Lighting my body on fire and I burn to be completely joined to him, aching with need that makes my legs turn weak. For the first time since this began, I’m at peace instantly, and every pain and torment, all the confusion I’ve been through, quiets to absolutely nothing. Just him and I, and a sharing of every feeling. Highlighting the peace we can find in a touch.
We both let go of our held breath, and breathe out in unison, as though finally finding where we need to be for just a moment of serene. A second of calm in the stormy seas which has been thrashing us around since I awakened.
Colton lifts his hand slowly and strokes a single finger across my cheek, brushing away my hair and tucks it behind my ear. Leaving a hot tingling path where he connects with me. The heat drawing down deep inside my soul to bring warmth to the coldness dwelling within.
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