“I think she feels responsible for not swaying her mate from his path years ago. And now, she doesn’t know how to be the force in his life a mate is meant to be.” Sierra is unusually low in mood, her whole vibe sad, and I can tell that she’s summarizing what must have been a painful visit between her and Tawna.
“Doesn’t she understand that a mate can only influence gently and not dictate someone’s choices… she did nothing wrong, especially as she didn’t know.” I add with a sigh. Feeling for Tawna and her state of unhappiness. Knowing that at the end of the day, mates are not held responsible for their partners choices in life. We all have the proof sitting right here with us. Sierra and Juan couldn’t be any more different on the scale of opposites if they tried, and she had zero sway over him.
“Tawna was always such a gentle and easy going, almost submissive type. She needed a mate who handled her gently and nurtured her loving heart. What she got was a cold-hearted brute who neglected her and locked her in that house, never to be part of his life or decisions. He’s no better than Juan and I pointed this out to her. I never had any control of Juan’s actions, and she never had control of his. She needs to be stronger for Carmen, for without her the girl is alone. Carmen is the only thing I think is keeping her going.” Sierra pulls at her plate and then discards it quickly as though she’s lost her appetite and Colton catches it with that observant eye. Her tone is tight and even I can sense an emotion she’s trying to shield.
“There’s something you’re not saying.” He points out and Sierra flickers to look at the table almost guilty. She sighs heavily and rests her palms flat on the table as though bracing herself and locks an eye on me this time. She pauses to think, sighs slowly and then smiles somewhat sadly.
“I sensed…. or …we have something called moment of sight. That’s when a touch, or conversation, or even a strong emotion, gives us a flicker of a moment. Almost like a blink that you don’t quite catch but it instills a strong feeling that you can’t shake. Almost like a premonition in a way.” She explains to me, and I catch Colton nodding at my side. I know he has experienced it as he told me so before.
“And you had this with her?” I ask, as Colton stills and watches her steadily. He falls quiet as he ponders it and the glances passing between mother and son make me uneasy. Sometimes they do still have this silent way of communicating that I guess is borne from being mother and child.
“I had the strong overwhelming sense that Tawna wishes harm upon herself to remove Enzo from Juan’s side. Maybe she thinks without his Beta it will weaken his stance on the mountain.” She looks away to the window and that flicker of pain makes it drive home that she is certain of this.
“You’re talking suicide? Wolves don’t do that…. It’s impossible for us to do harm to ourselves that results in death. Our wolf form kicks in and heals us instinctively, without our permission. It’s not exactly easy to find a way that a wolf can’t save.” Colton leans in, seems none of us can eat when this is the topic and I frown heavily, my stomach churning with the topic.
I’ve never heard of a wolf taking their own life, ever. It’s unheard of as we can heal from most things naturally with a turn, even mental health. Tawna is rare if depression is overtaking her and not healing, and I wonder if she is pure wolf at all. The Shaman has been studying the grimoires under the house and he has mentioned that half breeds can sometimes cause flaws in the wolf DNA. Maybe Tawna isn’t as pure as her mate thought. Another spew of secrets that the Santo bloodline has hidden for generations.
“Maybe it’s just a wish that she won’t ever carry through. Can’t possibly attempt. She loves her daughter; I doubt she will leave her that way. There’s no way in hell she can get hold of anything in the homestead that would aid her in taking her life. We can recover from most anything.” Colton seems to be trying to convince himself that this is an unfounded worry and that it will pass in time as Tawna gets help.
“It takes an iron will not to turn wolf when your body is dying. Tawna is not that strong, and I doubt she could overpower the survival instinct. We should put her in med bay for a few days, have Anya visit daily and let the doctor decide on the best way to help her through long term. She’s depressed and we should handle her carefully with love and tender care.” Sierra interjects and it again drags my mind to the possibility of Tawna not being pure. Wolves don’t get depressed.
“We should bring Carmen into the sub packs communal and let them talk it out with her too, bring her back into the fold. They were her pack once and she needs more than just her mom again if she’s to find the strength to help her heal. If we have more wolves on board helping Carmen support her mom and pulling her through this dark mindset then who knows, it may help them both. Carmen will waiver if she alone bears the burden.” I suggest with a logical brain, pushing my weird messy feelings about that girl aside as my Luna heart takes over and Colton blanches at me in disbelief
“You want to let Carmen back in the sub pack? Do you need to lay down for a bit, baby?” He leans out and feels my head and I push it away with an eyeroll. Dramatic much.
“She’s one of our people and she never really left the subs… she wasn’t disengaged or tossed out. They all just left the mountain without her. She’s alone and she needs her family. I can put the past to bed, and she says she wants to. Meadow will be better with her now that she no longer has ties to you and I think when I explain some of this to Meds, she’ll agree. We look after our own and like her or not… Carmen is one of ours. She needs the emotional back up right now.”
In my heart I know this is how it needs to be. As Luna I need to put the needs of my people over my own grudges. Carmen may not ever become my best friend, but as long as she is willing to respect my position as Luna, then I can live with her among us.
I don’t need to compete for the affection of my pack, my best friend, or my mate. I have them all on my own and she failed even with two years of being beside them. Carmen is just a femme in my pack now, nothing else. As long as I keep that in the forefront then I’m sure eventually my jealousy over her past with Colton will fade away.
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