The sub pack, the rest of our sentinels, and our people too. I feel their loss like grieving my family all over again. All out there staring inward, and hell bent on getting their chance at coming for us as soon as they can.
What they don’t know is that it’s coming. It’s the one thing I know for certain, whether she finds a way to completely dissolve the fog effortlessly, or with extra effort. She is adamant she still has to get in the mountain to do it, but she is confident that she will break this curse. We need to get her through our wolves, and through those vampires, to find the witches and deal with what they have done. We won’t abandon our people and leave them to grow old and lost in the forests around their home.
“You know that whatever the plan is, you can’t come, Chica.” Meadow breaks into my thoughts as we walk the perimeter together near dusk. Some nights I need this to be able to sleep at all, just to glimpse him before I go to our room alone. Meadow and I taking some time together to escape for a few minutes and forget everything weighing on us for a second. It feels like the responsibility has been suffocating these past days and times alone and away from the house to take a breath is all that is getting us through. Meadow is suffering Cesar’s loss as I suffer Colton’s and she’s getting weary and low as the days drag one. Her fighting spirit is barely holding on.
“You know I have to. Meadow, I’m still the strongest of all that we have, even if I cannot turn. I’m a better chance of success than ten of the land wolves from the village. I can’t let others do what I can do better.” I try to hold my ground, even if I know where her concern comes from.
“You can’t turn… What if you get hurt? What if you need to heal?” Meadow stops me with a hand on my wrist and turns me to her, seriousness etched over her face and her eyes gleaming with worry.
“I’ll have to make sure I don’t get injured, won’t I? With my gifts it shouldn’t be hard to build a bubble around myself if I get cornered. I need to lead; I need to be there with my pack to fight through what we have to. They need to see me lead.” I lift my hand and run gentle fingers across her cheek to try and convince her that this is what’s best, but Meadow grabs me with force and hugs me against her, somewhat aggressively. Meadows’s voice breaks with sheer pain against my hair as her emotions spill out.
“I promised him, that no matter what, I would always protect you for him…. I swore, Chica. So many months ago, that if anything ever happened and he couldn’t get to you first, then I would. This isn’t protecting you.” Her croaks turn to sobs, burying her damp face against my hair and our cheeks lay side by side. Her agony seeping out, and it almost breaks me in two. Bringing him up this way, knowing he made her promise something like that way back then, and the ache of my pain at longing for him brings tears to my own eyes. He always thought of me above everything and always puts me first. Even not here, his influence is Meadow, and she speaks for him.
“I can’t be a Luna and yet hide behind everyone else. I need to be the one to protect my people, even you. Even him. I’ve been sheltered for too long by him, by you, by everything he has in place to make sure I never have to really put myself out there. I must be the one to do this, to lead all of you. I have to be worthy of being his mate when it’s called for.” My words are not just for her, but for my own heart too and the doubts I have circling inside like a brewing storm. I could so easily use my children as an excuse to stay here and let them go out and fight in my name, but what kind of Luna would that make me? I know I have gifts that others don’t possess, and I know that the fates will only be happy when I fulfill the role they have asked of me all along. I need to do this.
“You have more to protect than just you… you heard what she said that night. About getting weaker, being vulnerable with your gifts. I’ve seen it with my own eyes these last days. It’s happening so quickly. Lorey, you’re not invincible and I see you fading.” Meadow’s stubborn tone only softens my resolve a little, but I know I can’t give up.
“Then we need to do it sooner rather than later before I worsen. Part of this is my broken heart and emotional exhaustion from being apart and won’t hinder me out there when I know it’s to save him. Right now, my gift is still strong enough… and I have no choice.” With no word from Darrius and no sign of the vampires receding… we have to do this. I don’t want to wait for something that may never come.
There was no guarantee that the high lord would do anything when he found out I lived and Meds is right, I am weakening much faster than I ever anticipated. These past days my tiredness has been severe, my skills at harnessing energy has dampened a little and I seem to wear out so quickly from even menial tasks. We have to break the spell ourselves and bring them home before I do end up completely useless. Leyanne suggested that being twins, and hybrids, are why it’s so much harder on me than expected. I’m feeding all my energy to two little powers in the making and my body is trying to keep up.
“There’s nothing I can say is there? I can’t lock you up, or even have Sierra hold you captive. You’re stronger than us, even when you’re pregnant.” Meadow sighs, knowing defeat when she feels it and I hug her tight. Wrapping her in a maternal embrace and stroke her hair lovingly.
“Exactly…. So, all the more reason I should be the one to lead and take Leyanne to the mountain with you. We can’t leave our people alone without anyone, so Sierra must stay and watch those who truly cannot come. So must the ones who may need to continue protecting them if we fail.” The plan was always to assemble our strongest few, a small army, and march together in hopes we’ll be enough. Leaving behind enough of the Santo pack that their bloodline will live on.
“You realize if we fail, that means you don’t come back either… and if you die, so does Colton, so does the Rema.” Meadow pulls back, blinking at me through misty eyes and wipes her face. Unable to shield me from her genuine fear. The air between us heavy with so many swirling emotions and I can’t fight the growing anxiety from knowing all that could happen.
“I’ve thought of that… it would mean that so does Juan. So at least in some way the others can return to the mountain when the spell finally fades. They can rebuild, elect a new alpha, and life will carry on. I’ve already asked Leyanne to help me leave instructions for the villagers should they need to move on without us.”
“I don’t like this. You’re talking like you don’t expect us to succeed. So, what are we even doing, huh? If you’re leaving secret plans for the people to forget us then why don’t we wait, find another way.” Meadow falls back into open crying, her lip trembling, and her voice faltering. The strong and sassy warrior crumbling when faced with the possibly of losing so much more. Her heart has always been bigger than her fierce and only those she loves most ever see this side to her.
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