It was too much.
Too many memories.
Too many pieces of myself…
I felt him behind me before I heard him.
When I turned, he was standing just a few steps away with his hands casually stuffed inside his pockets. He was looking at me so intently that I almost lost the little composure I had gathered.
“Why…?” My voice cracked, so I cleared my throat and tried again. Why are my pictures everywhere?”
Kester’s face stayed blank for a second, like he was measuring how much of the truth to give me.
Then he shrugged – just a small, casual roll of his shoulders – and said, “Because you own this house now.” His eyes stayed locked on mine. “And because you’re the only thing I want to see when I walk through that door.”
I couldn’t breathe.
I didn’t know if my heart was supposed to break or beat faster.
I didn’t know if I was supposed to smile or run.
I just stood there, blinking at him, while the backs of my eyes burned with unshed tears.
He looked so calm about it, like what he said was the most obvious thing in the world.
I hugged my arms around myself, feeling like I was splitting apart.
My voice came out smaller and weaker this time. “Why are you doing this, Kester?” I whispered. “Why can’t you just let me go? Why are you trying so hard to cross the line?”
Something flickered across his face… The softness he rarely showed The part of him he usually kept buried so deep no one could touch it. No one except me.
“There’s no line anymore, Kasmine,” he said, stepping closer. His voice dipped, becoming low and rough. Whatever line there was… I crossed it a long time ago. He took another step, but I didn’t move And now, I’m dragging you across it with me.”
His hand lifted slowly, almost like he was giving me time to pull away, before he brushed my cheek.
It was such a gentle touch it almost hurt.
The kind of touch that was supposed to feel safe but didn’t.
“Kester. You need help. You…” I swallowed hard, bile rising in my throat. “You killed your therapist. The one person who could have helped you. You killed her.”
The words broke something loose inside me, and I had to bite down on a sob, but it still trembled in my throat.
“You scare me,” I whispered, barely able to say it. “You”.
“No, baby,” Kester cut in. His hands hovered over my cheek, “I just… just lost it. I killed her because…” His jaw flexed, and for a ‘moment, he looked almost childishly lost. “Because she asked me to stay away from you.”
He let out a broken, bitter laugh, and I flinched.
“She had no right to tell me that, baby. No right, he said, his voice turning into a whisper. “Because I can’t stay away from you. I won’t stay away from you.”
My heart stuttered in fear.
I truly understood now the lengths he would go to just to keep me.
There were no lines. No limits. No mercy.
I didn’t feel any safer. If anything, I felt even more terrified of him. I felt trapped. Like a moth trembling in a glass jar, too dizzy to even try flying anymore.
“God… Kester…” I breathed, my voice breaking around the taste of his name, but he didn’t let me finish.
“I can’t lose you,” he said so softly it made my stomach twist. He stepped closer, and before I could recoil, he pressed his forehead lightly against mine, his skin fever-warm. “I won’t. You can hate me, you can run from me, you can scream at me…” The brush of his fingers on my arm was feather-light, reverent, and deadly. “I’ll still be here. You’re it for me, Kasmine. You’re the only thing that ever made any sense since after my mother.”
His words trembled with something heavier than I could bear.
The mention of his mother – the black hole at the center of his ruined soul made everything shudder into place inside me… If Kester sees me as his mother’s replacement, then I have a bigger problem to handle than I thought.
I squeezed my eyes shut, a tear slipping down my cheek.
Kester pulled back just enough to look at me, his thumb brushing the tear away almost before it could fall,
“After my mother,” he said, so quietly it barely made it past his lips, everything went cold and empty. I tried to pretend it didn’t matter, that I didn’t need anyone. That I was better off alone. But then you came along…”
He gave a broken sort of laugh the the kind that wasn’t happy at all and shook his head like he still couldn’t believe it.
“You loved me when you shouldn’t have. You took care of me when didn’t even know how to take care of myself. You stayed by my side and defended me… when everyone else thought I was too much too angry, too messed up to save.”
He closed his eyes for a second, breathing hard, fighting whatever storm was ripping through him.
“This he gestured around us, at the walls plastered with my face, this is your fault.”
My heart cracked deeper.
“You gave me warmth again, Kasmine,” he whispered. “You made me feel like maybe I wasn’t broken beyond repair. You loved me back to life. And now… this-” he pressed his hand to his chest, right over his heart, “-this madness, this obsession, this love… it’s just the result of what you gave me. Of what you are to me.”
He took another step, so close how I could feel the heat of him wrapping around me.
“So no, Kasmine. I can’t let you go. I won’t let you go. You’re not just someone I love. You’re the only part of me that’s still alive.”
His forehead dropped to mine again, his body trembling with everything he wasn’t saying.
“You’re home.” he breathed.
“You’re it for me, little sister.”
I didn’t know who moved first. Maybe it was me. Or maybe it was him. Maybe it was the force of all the shattered pieces between us finally giving way.
But the next thing I knew, I was in his arms with his trembling hand wrapped around my back while the other held me by my waist.
His breath was harsh against my temple.
And then… he broke.
“Kasmine…” he rasped, his voice splintering. “If I lose you…”
He pulled back just enough to look at me, and what I saw in his eyes almost dropped me to my knees.
Raw devastation.
No walls..
No armor.
Just a man stripped down to his bare soul.
“If I lose you…” he said again, choking on the words, “I won’t survive it.”
My chest caved in. I couldn’t breathe past the knot in my throat.
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