His arms came around me again, tighter this time, like I’d said something sacred. We stayed like that for a while, just holding each other as if time could be rewound if we pressed close enough.
But there was more I needed to say.
Things that mattered just as deeply.
I pulled back slightly, just enough to meet his gaze. “Kester… what you went through, the things you buried so deep for so long… they’ve shaped the way you feel. The way you love. The way you hold onto people like they might vanish.”
He tensed.
I felt the way his arms stiffened around me like I was about to slip from his grasp.
I cupped his face again, “And it’s not your fault. None of it is. But you need to finish your therapy, Kester.”
He said nothing.
His silence was so loud it rang in my ears.
I watched him carefully, and I felt the fear ripple under his skin. And for the first time, I realized what terrified him wasn’t the past -it was the idea that even trying to fix it could cost him the one good thing he had now.
Me.
“I’m not saying this to hurt you,” I said softly. “I’m saying it because love you. Because I want us to work. And I want you to be free. Truly free.”
Still nothing.
But his throat bobbed like he was holding back more than just tears.
I pressed my forehead to his, my voice barely more than a breath. “If you truly love me, Kester… if you want us to last… then I need you to get the help you need. Not just for me. For you. For our baby.
His breath stuttered. I felt it… I felt him breaking.
He was cracking in places no one had ever dared to touch.
“I’m scared,” he whispered at last. It was so quiet I almost missed it. I don’t know how to do this without you. I’m scared that if I start, if I open that door, I’ll lo you anyway. That you’ll see how broken I really am and change your mind.”
My chest clenched.
I kissed the corner of his mouth, trembling against him. “Then let me walk through it with you.”
He closed his eyes, and another tear slid down. That tear was different from the others that flowed earlier. It was a tear of surrender.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said. “But I need you to fight for yourself too. Let the people who love you show up for you. Let me love all of you-even the parts you’ve been hiding from.”
He stared at me like was light in a room he didn’t believe could ever be bright again.
Slowly and painfully, he nodded,
And just like that, I felt that moment where something shifted inside him. And it meant a lot to me.
KESTER.
I felt alive. After having that moment of vulnerability with Kasmine yesterday, a new kind of hope sprang to life in me.
I felt like something inside me had cracked open, and light was finally starting to pour in.
I knew there was garbage in me… years of it, stacked like rotting furniture in a haunted house. But admitting it was never a thing. I never admitted any of it to anyone, not even to the so-called doctors at rehab or my therapist. But it only took Kasmine a second to get it all out of me.
As long as Kasmine stayed beside me, I’d do whatever it took. Therapy. Self-work. The whole fucking climb uphill.
I’d stop hurting people if that’s what it took to see her smile again.
I’d chain my anger, muzzle it, watch every single word I said, just to make sure I don’t get her worried.
Hell, a slit my own wrists and bleed out into a canvas if she ever said she loved red and wanted to see a shade no one had ever seen before.
That’s how far I’d go. That’s how much she’d already changed me.
I was already going through a long list of the best trauma therapists in the country. I was eager to start. If I do my best, I should be ready to have a proper family with her – a wedding, a new home, welcoming our baby, and a lot of other things.
“Kester?” Her sweet, sugary voice called out softly, fresh from the bathroom, still damp with steam and the scent of lavender. She stood there with a towel wrapped around her like some sacred vision her hair dripping down her shoulders.
I looked up instantly, giving her my full attention.
“Yes, baby.”
She hesitated for half a second. But it was enough to set my nerves on edge.
“I’m going to see Mum today,” she said. “She asked for me the other day, but… you didn’t let me leave.”
Something inside me clenched.
Not again..
I tried to breathe slowly, doing my best to keep the new leaf I had just turned evergreen and fresh.
“Mine…” I called softly, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, baby.” I tried to smile, trying to make it sound like a suggestion.
But my heart suddenly began to race. I’d be a fool to let her leave. At least not to the pack.
Because deep down, I knew what this was. This was a door opening just wide enough for someone to reach in and pull her away from me.
She was finally softening, understanding me, and loving me again.
I couldn’t lose that.
This wasn’t me trying to control her. No. This wasn’t like before. Th was different.
This was me protecting what was finally starting to believe I was worthy of. This was me protecting myself and my family. I won’t let anyone take them away from me. I wouldn’t survive it.
“I really have to see Mum. She must be worried. I haven’t been able reach her since the last time we spoke, three days ago,” she sighed, folding her arms.
Yeah. About that… I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I was the reason she hadn’t heard from anyone. I had made sure no one would be able to reach her on her new phone, and likewise her.
I’d rerouted calls, blocked certain contacts, and used every trick I knew to keep her unreachable.
And her social media accounts? They were also logged in, on my own device.
So, I made sure to delete some chats and messages that I felt might disrupt our peace and quiet, even before she realized they were ever there.
This was before I decided to turn a new leaf. But she’d go nuts if she ever found out. So, I’d keep it at that for now.
I sighed, working a small smile onto my lips. “Your mum is fine, baby. If something was wrong, we would’ve heard from the pack already. Don’t beat yourself up, okay?”
“Kester, you promised to stop controlling and restricting me… You said all that two nights ago, remember?” She sounded upset, and I hated that.
I clenched my jaw, trying to stay calm and keep myself steady.
I didn’t even realize I was fisting the bed sheet beside me until I felt my nails digging into my palm.
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