“I good advisor should be worried only about the kingdom.” Khaos smiled at the young king. He was a head shorter than him with muscular body, but one look and you know that he got that not from excessive fighting training. His movement was too sluggish. “Don’t you think so?”
Wolfdale kingdom was a long time ally for Celeste kingdom, they used to fight together against Great Lunar kingdom, and this might come from the fact that the predecessor of their kings were brothers.
“I don’t really like sir Lorent, actually. I don’t understand why my father praised him a lot.”
Khaos smiled at that, this was his opening…
***
“You leave Ezra there?!” Zuri’s eyes lit up. She was excited when she learned that Ezra wouldn’t come with them to the Great Palace. “You didn’t tell me about this plan before.”
They were leaving Wolfdale kingdom with twenty thousand warriors and Eyren’s loyalty. The new king promised to send more warriors if Great Lunar Kingdom refused to bend down to the lycan.
‘Eyren was really a good king. A perfect one.’
That was what Zuri said with a wink when she saw the twenty thousand warriors.
“The plan just crossed my mind and I thought it doable.”
With Ezra was away from Zuri, he couldn’t harm her and also, he could keep his eyes on Eyren.
“You know that it’s doable. You willed it until it happened.”
Khaos laughed at that comment. The carriage was shaking and Zuri fell on him, but he pressed her head against his chest when she tried to sit down again. “It’s great if I can simply will something to happen.”
“If you can will something to happen, what do you want?”
The question had never crossed Khaos’s mind before. All this time, what drove him was vengeance for the family that he had never seen, for the fallen warriors that he had never met and for the dynasty that he didn’t know.
If he could have something, what he actually wanted? He was not sure he wanted something, only for him, genuinely because he wanted it.
“Nothing is free, everything that you got, it either entailed with effort or consequence.”
“But, what if?” Zuri lifted her head. She insisted.
Still, Khaos couldn’t think of anything, but then when he saw her, a small smile appeared on his lips.
“I want you. I want you for the rest of my life. I want you for this lifetime and the next. I want the life where you existed.”
Zuri scrunched her nose. “What is it? Are you trying to romance me?”
“Should I seduce you instead?”
“I preferred you to have sex with me.” Zuri liked it when they did it, because the pain that Khaos inflicted on her offset the pain that she tried to suppress.
It was hard to explain, but those pains that she tried to bury was not the pain that she could control, she felt them even when she didn’t want to. The pain felt like a living creature in her mind and heart.
But, the pain from Khaos was different, she knew that she could stop the pain if she wanted to, she could control where it hurt or if she wanted it more painful.
She was in control, Khaos let her be in control and it shut everything else, allowed her to only focus on him and the pleasure he gave to her after.
“No chance, Zuri, you are still healing.” Khaos caught her hand when she tried to grope her. She pursed her lips and he rewarded her with a peck. “We need to sleep separately if you are going to grape me.”
“Oh, be honest with me, you like it whenever I grope you, right?”
“No.” Yet, he was laughing at her expression.
They were fooling around inside the carriage, bickering and whatnot, but in the end, Zuri didn’t get what he wanted, though Khaos compensated her in another way.
With this long entourage, it would take them more than a month and now it was the beginning of fall after they were two weeks on the road.
Everything went smoothly, days went uneventfully, but Zuri felt the nagging on the back of her mind was getting stronger. She was easily irritated, but a moment later, she didn’t have the energy to do anything.
Dezgar increased the dosage of the medicine that she consumed, but before that, he warned her about something.
“The dosage is very high now and it can have a side effect that you don’t want.”
“What is it?”
“There is a high chance that you will be sterile if you are in this dosage.”
Was this the reason why she had not yet conceived yet? Zuri had done the deed a few times with Khaos, but she had not yet carried his child.
It was not like she really wanted a child. She didn’t like little children in general. They were noisy, annoying, demanding and a handful. She didn’t even know what to do with a baby. All the baby could do was crying, peeing and pooping. That was not something that Zuri would love to deal with.
However, a few times, she caught herself thinking of a baby with grey eyes, with the same mischievous smile that Khaos had and she found herself was smiling with that imaginary baby.
Therefore, the medicine in her hand weighed so heavy. The pill was hard to swallow now and instead, she threw it up. Zuri poked her throat to get the pill out of her. It could be said she was an expert of doing this.
Thanked to her mother to teach her this useful trick. It almost felt like she fell into the same old habit that she was familiar with. It was so easy.
It was so easy to vomit. It was so easy to think that the world didn’t exist. It was so easy to hurt herself. It was so easy for her to give away what she felt when no one was around to judge her.
She thought about this again.
Zuri didn’t know whether or not she wanted a child, but when she swallowed the pill, an image of a little baby with a pair of gray eyes and a mischievous smile, just like how Khaos used to see her came to her mind.
She smiled at the baby. She felt the desire to hold the little one closely. She finally could have something that belonged to her. Her baby. Hers.
She was not sad when she lost Xaden’s baby, because she didn’t want anything to do with the baby, but Khaos’s… it would be different.
But then Zuri remembered she was not a mother figure, she was a failure as a woman, a mate and even a daughter herself. It was so hard for her to see herself as a mother.
What if she turned out to be like her mother?
What if her child would have the same craziness like her?
Or, there was a high chance she would be even a worse mother than Karina.
In the midst of an internal turmoil Zuri had to go through, Khaos came. He found her bending her body and vomiting. He frowned upon seeing what she was doing right now. He thought she would never do this again, but then he was gravely mistaken.
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