“We’ll give you space, but I will not let him up until he has control of his shift and you’re clear. Even if he stays there the entire flight.”
“I understand.” Pain lanced me at the idea of him being kept prisoner the entire flight, after the captivity and torture he’d just endured. I had to help him.
The men moved back a little-not giving us as much space as before, even though Lucien was still pinned flat on his belly by Kane’s dominance, despite Gael standing up and backing away. But when they stopped halfway down the aisle, forming a protective barrier between us and the rest of the pack females, I knew that was as good as we’d get.
Deciding to ignore them, I lay down on my side, getting face-to-face with Lucien, my back to the pack.
“Is it okay if I touch you?” I whispered the question, giving us as much privacy as possible.
There was no response, and then I realized he couldn’t nod, and he wasn’t talking. His eyes were fixated on my bloody forehead, and I just made a decision and went for it. I let my fingers stroke over his hair, which was usually styled back from his face, but was currently in disarray.
“I’ve heard that a mate’s touch is calming, but as soon as you can talk, if you don’t like it, I’ll stop, okay?”
More silence, his eyes still fixated on my forehead where he’d cut me with his claws, so I continued to finger comb his hair, trying to think of what else to say. I wasn’t the most talkative, even when I had someone else to hold a conversation with. But somehow, words poured from my lips in a soothing whisper without trouble. It was the regret in his eyes, the confusion. It wasn’t his fault.
“I’ve never seen your hair without product in it before today. You’re always so polished, I feel plain by comparison. But I like it this way too. It’s free. And that’s nice sometimes. It’s really soft too, and nice to touch.”
I kept rambling about nothing, keeping close watch on his features, in case he seemed to dislike anything I was doing, but the more I spoke, the less tense he seemed. His shoulders slowly relaxed, the fur and claws receding from his hands and arms.
The fangs disappeared next, and eventually, the last fleck of red vanished from his eyes.
“Hi, there,” I said with a smile, once I could tell that my Lucien was back fully in control.
“Hi.”
It was one hoarse word, but I felt it like a caress down my bare back.
“I’m so sorry. I will never forgive myself for hurting you.”
“It’s okay, I knew it wasn’t me you were after.” I forced a smile, though I could feel the tender moment between us slipping away already.
“There is no excuse. I??”
“Lucien.” Kane appeared above us, hovering like a dark angel.
“High Alpha, I apologize.”
“Good, and you will continue to apologize to the rest of the pack who you put in danger.”
“Yes, Alpha.” Lucien bared his neck, the small movement the first he’d made so far. And something about it shattered me just a little bit more inside.
My mate was broken, and from the shuttered look in his eyes, I knew he wasn’t going to let me in to help put him back together.Lucien
Shame over what I’d done was hot and thick in my throat as I watched Olivia back away, sadness marring her beautiful features. Kane finally allowed me back to my feet once she was behind Reed and Gael, clustered in among the women.
Protected from me.
The very first thing I did was turn to Samuel, who stood warily a few feet away and off to the side, where there were a few rows of expensive leather seats between us. “I apologize. I don’t know what came over me. I- There’s no excuse. But I truly don’t know what happened.”
“I think I do,” Brielle said, tapping Gael’s shoulder for him to let her through. She stepped up to Kane’s side, giving me a sad look.
No, not sad. It was pity. And that burned hotter than the fucking sun.
“Based on what I felt, it seems the prolonged exposure to a lower dose of wolfsbane has damaged your connection to your wolf. It’s not severed. If that were the case, you wouldn’t have any access to your wolf or the ability to shift. But it was in your system long enough, it’s had some negative impacts, causing you to lose control.”
“Are you able to reverse it?” Kane asked.
She hesitated, twisting her lips with that pity again, and I knew. The words were merely bitter confirmation.
“No, I don’t think I can. There’s nothing physically left for me to heal. The connection with one’s wolf is deeper, a bonding of two unique spirits. It’s something that over time might correct itself.”
Might.
She was trying to couch the blow in that patented way healers had, but I was no idiot. What she wasn’t saying was that if it didn’t, I would be a danger to my pack permanently.
Worse than that-my gaze swung to Olivia’s coppery hair, the only part of her that was visible around the wall of alpha muscle between us-I would be a danger to my mate. I’d drawn her blood, could have permanently maimed her. She was painfully perfect, from her sweet citrusy scent down to the way she looked at me with those trusting doe eyes, as if I hadn’t done a speck of wrong in my nearly four hundred years of life. And I couldn’t bear to hurt her again, not even by accident.
“I understand. Thank you, Brielle.”
She nodded, trying and failing to hide her emotions. Her still-water scent was bitter with the edge of sorrow.
But hers weren’t the feelings I was most concerned about. Olivia had to be my top priority. I was a selfish prick, but even the little snatches of time with her had me getting attached.
If my wolf was a danger to her, I couldn’t allow that. If there was even a chance of her getting hurt like… No. I viciously yanked my thoughts away from the painful past.
Letting myself go down that path was a dead-end road to sorrow, and I knew it.
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