No, no, I could not. And damn if she wasn’t faithful, loyal. She seemed so shy, she’d fooled me at first. I thought that shy meant weak, but it didn’t. She was the strongest person I knew, because where others broke, she bent.
She yielded, but she didn’t let go. Her strength looked different from mine, but it was still strength.
There were plenty of ugly bastards in the world. The fact that I’d joined their numbers hurt no one but me.
Me being unhinged, with the full strength of an alpha wolf shifter?
Shit.
I could hurt people. Expose our secret to the world. My life would be forfeit, but would it even matter to me by the time I lost that much control?
That was a line I couldn’t cross. And until I knew I wouldn’t cross it ever again, knew that I had complete control over myself and my wolf, I had to keep my distance from Olivia.
I exhaled, the force of it lightly steaming the mirror, obscuring my scar. Almost as if I could pretend it wasn’t there, like none of this had ever happened.
But it had. And I was at a crossroads. But there was only one decision I could make to keep her safe until I got my shit under control.
“Hey, Lucien, we’re about to head out and start looking for goblins. You coming?”
I turned away from the mirror, toward Samuel’s voice.
“Yeah, I’m coming.” I swiped a hand through my unkempt hair and yanked the door open. “Where to first?”
Samuel and I paired up with Kane and Gael, while Reed, Fiona, Elodie, and Olivia formed the second team. Brielle, Galyna, and Leigh stayed in the house so that Brielle had the maximum amount of warding at all times.
It wasn’t a perfect solution, but at this point, I didn’t think there was one. I knew Olivia’s group all loved her and would protect her, but that didn’t stop the galling sensation that it should be me protecting her.
I couldn’t, though. I had to sort out my own shit first.
The sad smile she gave me as the four of them left was burned into my brain, accusing me of being a shitty mate even though she hadn’t said a word.
I’d asked for space, and she’d given it. Didn’t mean I liked it, though.
“Is your head in the game?” Samuel’s quiet question as the other two kissed their mates goodbye made me grind my back teeth. But it was fair. He let me crash; he earned a question.
“Yes. I’m fine.”
He grunted, shooting me an incredulous look, but thankfully kept his opinions to himself.
The second Kane and Gael were ready, we strode out of the house and hit the sidewalk. Olivia’s team had taken an SUV out to the nearest nature preserve because that seemed like the most logical place for goblins to hide in plain sight.
We were staying closer to the safe house, just in case the ODL showed up. So we were on foot, looking for any other supes who could point us toward some local goblin hangouts.
Four alpha wolves stalking down the sidewalk together weren’t exactly inconspicuous, even in human form in neutral clothing, so we split up, Samuel and Kane heading left, while Gael and I went right.
Gael and I walked in silence for half an hour, nothing piquing our interest or our noses.
It was nice to move, though. Space. I’d wanted it. Now I had it, and it turned out being alone with my own thoughts wasn’t great either.
Shocker.
“You wanna talk about it?” Gael eventually said as we turned down a side street with more houses squeezed closer together, his bored tone letting me know he wasn’t thrilled about the idea. “You’re brooding so loud, it’s offensive.”
“I haven’t said a word.”
“Yeah, loudly.”
I snorted. I wasn’t exactly close to Gael, but we had a mutual respect for each other. Was I missing an opportunity to get some perspective?
“You and Leigh had a rough time figuring things out.” It wasn’t a question, but I was at a loss for how to ask for help. Alphas didn’t do that very often.
It was his turn to snort and shoot me an incredulous look. “You could say that. For a while there, I was pretty sure she was going to gut me with a rusty spoon.”
Oddly, that made me feel better. “Good to know.”
“Olivia doesn’t seem like the type, though. She’s a good egg. Which means you’re the one fucking it up.”
Right to the point.
“Yeah, I am.”
The residential neighborhood was slowly turning commercial around us as we walked, cars whizzing by at faster speeds and more people out and about in business attire, darting into shops to complete a midmorning errand or grab a bagel sandwich.
“You going to elaborate?”
“I don’t know what to tell you that you haven’t seen me screw up firsthand. I keep messing up. We get a little better, take a step closer, then I fuck up again.” I paused at the doorway of a paranormal shop, discreetly sniffing the air to see if there was any actual magic inside. Nope. I started walking again, and Gael stuck to my side. “She’d be better off without me, man.”
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