I run a bit further, but since I know they’re not following me, I finally stop and walk. I’m sure that I’ve destroyed all the work I did to look presentable just a few hours ago as I walk barefoot through my favorite place, but I can’t be bothered to care right now.
This was not the plan. This is not the life that I’m supposed to have. My family loves me, I know this. But it’s obvious at every turn, I’m not really theirs. My family always said they loved me so much they couldn’t stand the thought of me leaving when I was small, but who would kick a homeless six-year-old out? I was found under a tree, alone- tiny with no memory of who I was or where I came from. Was I lost? Or abandoned? Did I have a family that loved and missed me? Or did they leave me in the woods in the hope that they’d never have to see me again?
I’d accepted all these thoughts before, but then as I got older and it was obvious I wasn’t like all the other pups, it became harder and harder to feel like I belonged. I couldn’t play with the kids as I got older because I couldn’t physically keep up with them. That’s what made me love Oliver so much. When the other kids wanted to play tag and throw balls, he’d be there to go on an adventure with me. The first time we made it all the way back to the falls alone was amazing! My dad had taken me once shortly after he had found me but they looked so much more amazing when we’d found them on our own as kids. We got into so much trouble when we got back. I remember Oliver’s mom apologizing repeatedly to my dad and he was angry we’d gone so far without her knowledge and the entire time my mom just smirked and kept telling him we were fine and to calm down.
I didn’t realize it then, but as I got older I realized that my dad has always worried about me more because of my broken wolf. As I got older, he forbade me to go into the woods without a pack warrior nearby- even if I was with Oliver. A few years ago, Robbie had too much to drink and let it slip that dad was worried someone would kidnap me to use it against him because I wouldn’t be able to get away myself. I was so angry when he first told me, but he was right to be concerned. If another pack did kidnap me, I’d never be able to escape on my own. I’m basically useless and a huge liability.
Useless and a liability to my own pack and now, to the mate I never thought I’d have. There’s no reason anyone would not reject me, short of needing a chef, but I don’t think that’s enough to keep around a broken wolf. I don’t know how I’d ever be able to help a mate. And if my mate is in Lunar Falls now for the Alpha ceremony, he’s likely an Alpha himself and while most she-wolves would be thrilled, this is the worst possible scenario for me.
I stop walking as I reach the back of my garden. This truly is my absolute favorite place in the packlands. It’s so peaceful here as few people ever bother to come here. It’s where I spend so much time doing what I can to help take care of my pack, in my own way. I know it’s not much, but it’s at least something. It’s hot and sunny out now so I climb under the leaning trellis where the squash have grown and hide in the shade. I know that eventually someone will be out here to drag me inside there, but I decide to stay put until that happens.
I stay in the garden for what seems like hours. I am surprised that I’ve been able to stay here alone for so long, but I’m not upset about it either. I peek out from my hiding spot like a small child and see the window to my Father’s study where a man that I don’t recognize is staring outside. I wonder if that’s my mate, for just a moment. He’s attractive, from what I can tell. He has longer dark hair, just above his shoulders, and seems very muscular. He’s holding a glass with something brown in it- probably some expensive bourbon that my dad is hoping will help him overlook my behavior. Maybe he has enough bourbon to have him overlook my brokenness. Doubtful, as I’m not just a broken wolf, but I’m now a filthy wolf wearing no shoes and hiding in actual plants.
I smell a familiar scent of my best friend as he approaches and climbs under the trellis with me. The look he’s giving me tells me he knows the situation isn’t great. Oliver knows me so well and he knows that I’m just not able to articulate my feelings at the moment, so he doesn’t say a word. He just puts his arms around me and holds me, and I let go of tears I didn’t even realize I’d been holding. I cry for the little girl who didn’t get a wolf, for all the times another kid made me feel less than. I cry for all the nights I spent wondering why I was left by a tree, and I cry for all the memories that I don’t have from before then. I cry for the kid who grew up not meeting anyone’s expectations, and I cry for all the times I know I disappointed my parents. But most of all, I cry for the fear of having to face a mate that I never dreamed I’d have and the pain of the rejection that I’ll have to endure.
“He’s not going to reject you”, Oliver tells me. And I know that he truly thinks that, but I know there’s no chance someone would want me.
“I’m going to go up there, but I need to go change clothes first,” I tell him. He looks at me and nods, but doesn’t say a word about how I look an absolute mess.
I mind link my dad, “I’m going to go change and make myself presentable and then I’ll be there. I’m sorry.” I know I’ve embarrassed him.
“Ok Molly, I’ll let him know.” He tells me. “He’s a good man. You’re going to be ok.” he continues, and I find a small amount of comfort from the man who would do anything to protect me telling me it will all be fine.
I’m back in my room, showered and re-curling my hair and makeup, but this time with Oliver. I realize now that I’ve caused the Alpha ceremony to begin late, causing the dinner to begin late and I’ve all but ruined my brother’s day. Oli comes from my closet carrying yet another, but darker, green dress for me to put on and I realize my shoes I left in my kitchen office are now in my room, but I’m too emotionally exhausted to care how they got here. Oli zips my dress and hands me the shoes.
“Good as new” he says, taking in my appearance with a critical eye. I’m nervous, but I know he wouldn’t let me walk in to meet my mate looking anything less than amazing. He grabs my hand and starts to walk, but I’m hesitant to move. He turns to look at me and meets my eyes “No running this time. You have to meet him.” I know he’s right, but I’m still absolutely terrified.
We make our way across the packhouse to the Alpha office. As we get closer, I begin to smell him, and I know, without a doubt, that my mate is in there. He smells like juniper, with orange and cinnamon and it’s almost overwhelming. I feel so pulled towards him, and I’ve not even seen him. If this is how finding your mate feels with a broken wolf, then maybe it will be so strong for him that I won’t be rejected. I grasp onto that sliver of hope as I turn the door knob to enter.
My Dad and Robert are sitting propped on the edge of their desk. My mom is sitting elegantly in the chair across from them and in the other chair is… Queen Audrey. With King Peter behind her. I briefly wonder why they are here for this, but thoughts are lost when I see my mate standing by the window. He IS who I saw from out in the garden, but instead of looking across the grounds he’s staring at me intently. Our eyes lock and I start to feel unsteady. Oliver places his hand on my back to steady me and whispers in my ear “go say hi”. Biting my lip, I nod to him and start to close the space between us.
To my shock, my mate starts walking towards me as well and once we’ve made it to each other, he places a gentle hand on my shoulder and asks “Are you OK now?” He has kind, pale blue eyes and seems to be genuinely concerned for me. I can’t bring myself to speak and I just nod in response. I see my brother out of the corner of my eye and feel such guilt about how I’ve behaved today on his day.
I walk towards my brother and I can tell he wasn’t expecting me to, but he pulls me into a giant hug. “I’m sorry I ruined your ceremony”, I tell him and it’s the truth. I was so deeply in my feelings that I wasn’t concerned with time, and I know it was set to begin hours ago.
“You didn’t ruin anything, kiddo. You just delayed it.” He tells me and smiles down at me. Releasing me from his hug, he grabs my hand and walks back towards my mate. “Prince Seth,” he addresses him, “I’m glad to finally introduce you to my sister, Molly. Molls, this is my friend, Prince Seth.” Prince? So that explains why the king and queen are here. “Prince Seth and I did all our physical training together. He’s a really good guy, Molls.” he tells me, squeezing my hand for comfort.
I’m back in my room, showered and re-curling my hair and makeup, but this time with Oliver. I realize now that I’ve caused the Alpha ceremony to begin late, causing the dinner to begin late and I’ve all but ruined my brother’s day. Oli comes from my closet carrying yet another, but darker, green dress for me to put on and I realize my shoes I left in my kitchen office are now in my room, but I’m too emotionally exhausted to care how they got here. Oli zips my dress and hands me the shoes.
“Hi.” I say, looking up at Prince Seth. He’s big, the biggest in the room. He’s so tall and his shoulders are broad and strong. His hair is dark and nearly to his shoulders, but he has his mom’s light blue eyes. I know I should say something more, but this entire situation feels so intimidating. “Hi.” He returns to me with a kind smile and reaches out his hand to me. I release my brother and place my hand in his and he surprises me by bringing my hand to his lips and places a gentle kiss on it. “It’s so nice to finally meet the famous Molly that I’ve heard so much about.” he says with a smile. Everyone is watching me, and I feel even more uncomfortable.
“Umm, maybe we should get the ceremony started soon” I say, turning to everyone in an attempt to take all the attention off of me.
“Yes, she’s correct. We should get ready to start the ceremony soon. Why don’t we head down and give Molly and Seth a few moments alone.” My dad says as he stands and walks over to kiss me on the forehead. My mom follows over just behind him and grabs my free hand while she leans in and whispers “he’s handsome” quietly in my ear.
They head to the door with Robbie while King Peter and Queen Audrey meet them there and they all exit with my dad closing the door behind them. I thought I’d feel more comfortable without everyone looking at us but now that we’re alone, I’m even more nervous. He seems kind. I guess when he rejects me maybe he won’t be too harsh.
“So” he says, breaking the silence between us, “Your mom thinks I’m handsome” and I can’t help but laugh. I don’t think she meant for him to hear her, but I’m glad he did, and that he can joke about it. He leads me over to the sofa in the corner by my hand, which I note he still hasn’t let go of. I sit down with him sitting next to me. He’s close, and he’s warm and he smells so good but I can’t allow myself to become too attached.
“I’m sorry I ran away earlier” I tell him, and it’s the truth. He doesn’t respond, just continues to look at me. “I wasn’t trying to be rude”, I continue “I know this is really disappointing for you”, I finish as my voice lowers to just barely above a whisper .
“Why would I ever be disappointed with you?” he says and I can see from his face that he appears to be genuinely surprised by my words.
Maybe I read this whole situation wrong. Everyone, the whole of BOTH families was up in my dad’s office while I sat in the garden and cried. They must have talked about me. Surely he knows.
“I, uhh..”and I don’t know the words to adequately describe what a mess I am, but I try because he deserves to know before he gets stuck with me. “I’m a broken wolf, Prince Seth.”
And as I pause to figure out how to explain myself, he finally lets go of my hand, but only so he can gently place his finger under my chin to pull my face to look at him.
“It’s just Seth to you. You’re my mate- my equal. Never Prince to you, only ever Seth. You’ll be Princess Molly soon, and eventually Queen. But you’ll always be my equal.”
It’s at that moment that it hits me that Prince Seth isn’t just his name, but his actual identity and that being his mate comes with so much more that I’m not made for. Little girls dream of being a princess some day, but for me, it’s an absolute nightmare.
“I can’t be Queen. I’m not even a real wolf. I saw you in the window and thought my family would have told you. I… I’m so sorry.” I say as my chest begins to hurt and I can barely breathe.
“You are a real wolf, though. It’s in your scent. My wolf is sure of it.”
“I’m not, though. I don’t have a wolf. I’ve never shifted, I’m not built as muscular. If anything happens to me, I can’t save myself. I’ll just be a huge liability.”
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