We get back to the packhouse and he opens the door for me, closing it behind us and heading to the Alpha office, undoubtedly to tell Robbie of the situation. I’m not sure what to do but I head up to my parents’ room to find my mom. She’s not there, but I don’t want to have to search and I’m sure she’s with Queen Celeste.
I take off my shoes and jacket and climb into the middle of my parents’ bed like I did when I was a kid and scared. When my dad first found me, I instantly knew I was safe with him. I remember waking up under a tree and just wandering around, hiding when it got dark and sleeping under another tree. The worst was when the rain came. I was cold, and hungry, and then wet, so when Dad walked up and picked me up his warmth was a comfort. He carried me back to the pack house and up the stairs to this room.
My mom was waiting for us with dinner and helped me take a warm bath. They gave me some of Robbies’ pajamas and tucked me into bed between them. I was thankful, because I was still so cold and scared, but I knew I was safe there, tucked between them.
But now I’m in their bed and alone and, while it’s still comforting, it’s not the same. But I feel safer and finally let myself cry and feel all the emotions I’ve been trying to hold in. It’s not even been an entire day since I’ve met Seth, but he’s really done some damage. I’d convinced myself he was kind, and if he rejected me that he would be kind about it. I thought I’d prepared myself for that moment but I was wrong. I don’t know how long I’d been there, but I hear the door open and smell my mom. She doesn’t say a word but just climbs into the bed and pulls me into her arms and lets me continue to cry.
After a while, she finally pulls back a little and says “Talk to me” gently, like she always does when I’m upset.
“He doesn’t want me, mom.” I whisper to her and admitting it aloud to her, and myself, gives me a physical pain in my chest.
“You don’t know that. Feelings are complicated.” she says, brushing my hair back from my face.
“He doesn’t though, and he’s stuck with me. I think just being rejected would be better. I’ll always be the mate he’s stuck with.” and she just lays there, listening to me, letting me talk through all my feelings and the thoughts running through my head.
“He knew, mom. For 4 years he KNEW I was his mate, and he knew I wasn’t good enough. He said he didn’t think I’d be a good queen, that he searched for someone who would be better than me. It’s like he’s assuming that ‘I’ think I’ll be a good queen, and I certainly know I won’t. I can’t shift, I can’t link my pack. I can’t even mark my mate, mom. Looking at him markless would be a daily reminder of every way I’m not good enough.” I say to her and she kisses my head, still holding me.
“What if I can’t have pups? Or I die trying to deliver them? Or worse, I pass on the broken wolf to the future king?” I say between sobs.
“Molly, the worst of those would be you dying. If you pass it on, you pass it on. The Goddess does not make mistakes. If that’s what is supposed to happen, then it’s what will,” she tells me.
“He hates me, mom. And he’s stuck with me. The whole kingdom is.”
“You don’t know that he hates you. I’ll admit, he made some very poor choices, but he’s here now and you know about each other and you’re kind of stuck in this together now. ” Mom tries to reason with me. “It’s only been a day, but it’s been a busy one and I know how the mate bond can be. Give it some time, get to know each other better.” She tells me and I know she’s right but it all just hurts so much.
We lay there a while and I fall asleep, though it’s anything but peaceful. I’m too hot, and I’m too cold. I can’t get comfortable. I wake completely and realize that mom is gone and I’m alone in their room again. I finally decide to get up and head down to my suite. I grab my things and attempt to sneak down but I find that the pack house is unusually empty. Thank the goddess, I quickly move through the house and down the stairs and lock myself safely in my home.
I realize that the bond isn’t going to let me sleep well while both of our emotions are so high, so, giving up, I decide to shower quickly and head to the kitchens to see if there’s anything I can help with. I never really arranged anything with Oliver for this afternoon and evening, but I’m sure that when I didn’t show up he jumped in and is taking care of things.
I put on some jeans, a t-shirt and a white chef’s jacket and head across the kitchens to find them just as I expected and running smoothly. I peek in my office and see Oliver and he looks up at me. “You look like shit.” he says to me and I’m thankful for him.
“I know. And I feel like it. I’m sorry I didn’t show up, but thank you for handling everything.” I tell him.
“Of course. But is everything ok?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. Things just got a little complicated.”
“Ok. But why is your brother fighting your mate?
“Excuse me, what??”
What exactly is my brother doing?” I ask Oliver.
“I’m not sure, I didn’t see it. But I heard he came running out of the pack house and attacked Seth. It was, apparently, a decent fight. But I also heard the Prince wasn’t fighting back too hard.” He tells me the rumors going around the pack.
“I’m too exhausted to even think of dealing with that.” I respond because it’s the honest truth.
“We don’t NEED you here, if you want to go rest.” Oli offers me.
“No, I can’t rest. This damn mate bond won’t let me sleep.” I tell him, my voice laced with irritation.
“That’s because you didn’t let him sleep next to you, kiddo. Didn’t you pay attention in any classes?”
“I did pay attention. Last night was the run. He couldn’t. And he won’t be tonight either, because he’s a complete a*s.”
“Oh, damn. You need to talk about it?” he asks.
“No, I don’t. I’m just ready to not think about anything for a bit. What do you need done?”
“I mean, if you’re offering, there’s onions and garlic to be cut.” He tells me and I can tell he’s halfway joking, but I’m more than thrilled to help with something that won’t require any thoughts. I grab my knife roll off the shelf and head over to the empty prep area with all the garlic and onions. I throw in my headphones and begin to work on the small mountain of garlic.
I thought this would help me clear my mind, but it’s just giving me more time to think. Maybe that’s what I need to do, because I’m still not exactly sure why I’m so upset. I’d always known my mate would probably reject me if I had one. When he stopped to talk, I’d assumed it was a rejection, and even though it wasn’t, I was still upset with the conversation. What exactly from all of this is really upsetting me? I continue to chop the garlic. When I’m done, I grab a lid and place the container in the main prep fridge, returning to my station.
As I begin chopping the onions I decide to evaluate the situation as if there were no Royals involved. Perhaps that is where the problem lies. But I can’t come up with a better reason from that viewpoint either. I realize that it’s brought up new feelings, so I look for new information and realize that it’s that Seth was with other women. I can feel myself become more upset and just as I’m about to take a moment to calm myself, I manage to slice into my ring finger on my left hand. “Shit.” I say to myself as I walk off towards the sink. I’ve cut myself plenty of times, but this is probably the most painful.
I rinse my hand and the blood just keeps coming. ‘This isn’t good’, I think to myself and decide to apply pressure quickly. I wrap it up in a few paper towels and decide to tape it up and put a glove on to finish the few onions I have left and deal with it then. I step back over and check the area for blood. Fortunately, there’s not much on the work space and I’m able to clean it all up quickly and with a new board and knife, I grab the next onion. It hurts pretty badly, so I decide to try to finish as quickly as I can and just ignore the pain. I’m on the last onion, finally, when I can smell him.
I hear the door open and turn around to see Seth with a look of complete worry on his face. At some point today he’d managed to clean up and put a suit on, but there’s some bruises and healing cuts on his face. “What happened?’ he asks me quickly.
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