Taking slow breaths, I tried to put my hands on the wheel, but they were still shaking too badly. So I sat there. The driver of the other car came over and asked if I was okay. I assured them I was, that I was just shaken up, but ultimately I sent them on their way, grateful that at least someone had the decency to stop.
I was beyond grateful to whatever sense of danger I possessed that had warned me to swerve away. Without it, I would be a pancake. That truck would have turned my tiny car into an accordion without breaking a sweat.
Several shaky minutes later, I pulled my car into the driveway of my grandma’s house, loose gravel crunching noisily under the tires. Looking over the faded yellow bricking of the century home, I couldn’t see any signs of life, but that wasn’t unusual. My grandmother wasn’t as spry as she used to be, and oftentimes I would arrive to find her in her second-floor sitting room, watching the forest out the back.
That was where I expected to find her now.
Ascending the stairs that led to the wraparound porch, I listened to it creak and groan, making sure I didn’t step on the loose board to the right. I really needed to get that fixed for her. She’d mentioned it on my last visit, but that was during winter a few months ago. Now that spring was transitioning to summer already, it was past time.
Knocking heavily on the door, I didn’t wait for an answer but instead twisted the handle. The door was always unlocked. My grandmother didn’t believe in the need to lock one’s doors. “Not in New Lockwood, my dear, oh no. Not necessary here,” she would always say whenever I tried to convince her otherwise.
Which is why I nearly walked nose-first into the door when it refused to open.
“What the?” I tried the handle again. Still locked.
My key made short work of the obstacle, but I was on full alert now, listening intently to my gut instinct. There would be no more sneaking up on me today. If something was wrong, I was going to be ready.
But the only thing I was greeted with as I opened the door was silence, inside and out.
“Hello? Grandma?” I called, stepping into the front foyer and closing the door behind me. “It’s me, Vi-vi!”
The pendulum of the huge grandfather clock at the base of the stairs straight ahead swung ponderously back and forth, ticking away the seconds until the next gong. Otherwise, there was nothing. Not a peep.
On the table next to it, a notebook with a piece of paper on top caught my eye. Moving closer, I saw my name scrawled onto it. “To Vi-vi.” That was all, no signature, though it again was my grandmother’s very recognizable handwriting.
“A journal? Thanks,” I said to nobody in particular, not touching the small book. I didn’t know if I was supposed to see it, or if she had left that note for herself as a reminder.
A quick search of the rest of the house, upstairs and down, revealed no sign of my grandma. The place held an odd quiet that I didn’t like. My stomach was uneasy, but that was worrygnawing at me, not a warning of imminent danger. It took me some time to place what the problem was.
The silence. The house wasnever this quiet. There was always music, the TV, or even my grandmother’s voice or that of her friends, who were always over. The big airy house always feltalive to me.
“What’s going on, Grandma?” I asked the old wallpapered walls. “Why did you send me that letter? Where did you go?”
My wandering through the house brought me back to the front hall and the note on top of the journal book. Looking a little closer, I saw the creases in the spine. This wasn’t a new book for me. It was used. Was it one of hers?
I slowly reached out for it.
Knock! Knock!
Jumping, I yelped loudly.
“Hello?” a voice called through the door. “Is everyone okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Moving to the door, I opened it to see my grandmother’s church pastor.
“Mr. Nevis,” I said warmly, my heart starting to calm. “It’s good to see you.”
“You as well, Sylvie,” Richard Nevis said, a small smile creasing his face.
It was tighter and less warm than usual for the cheery man, though.
“If you’re looking for my grandma, she’s not home. I’m sorry,” I told him.
Mr. Nevis frowned. “I know, my dear.”
“You do?”
“Of course.”
I stared at him blankly, and he stared back at me, both bushy eyebrows slowly knitting together in confusion. Then dawning overcame him.
“Oh, my dear,” he said, letting himself into the house. “Come, come. Sit down.”
Everything in my stomach was slowly congealing, and it wasn’t because of the fast food I’d gotten on the drive over. This wasn’t good.
“What’s going on, Mr. Nevis?” I asked, wringing my hands together in worry.
In a situation like this, it’s clear what he was working himself up to say, the news he was going to give me. But I didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want to acknowledge it. Not until the last inevitable second before it became a reality I had to face.
“I don’t understand how nobody has told you yet,” Mr. Nevis said as we moved into the sitting room next to the foyer, taking seats on opposing couches.
“Told me what?” I asked, the dread inside me rising.
“Oh, my dear Sylvie,” he said gently, reaching across to take my hand. “I am so sorry you have to find out this way and that I must be the one to tell you this, but your grandmother left this mortal plane three days ago to find her place in the heavens above. That’s how I knew she wasn’t at home. I was just coming by to gather a few pictures. For the funeral this afternoon.”
Sylvie
“I don’t understand,” I whispered, staring into nothing.
The four-hour drive had allowed plenty of time for the numbness of my failed relationship to begin to spread as reality hit home. Now that numbness was like a blanket of ice, sinking into every inch of my body and robbing me of any remaining warmth until I caved and descended into the black abyss that was reaching out with a welcoming hand.
“It appears to have been peaceful,” Pastor Nevis said, still squeezing my hand. “In her sleep, nothing more. There was no suffering.”
“She can’t be gone.”
That was denial. I knew it well. We were old friends, really, a presence that had never truly faded after my parents …
I chopped the thought off with ruthless precision. If I opened that door now, I would never escape.
“I’m sorry,” the pastor repeated again. He knew I wasn’t overly religious, and did not push his feelings on the matter of death to me, which I appreciated greatly in that moment. I might not fully agree with his beliefs, but Pastor Richard Nevis was absolutely the epitome of a true believer in God. A real believer,who cared about those around him, in public and private, and would give the shirt off his back to anyone who needed it.
“Nobody told me.” It was more of a whine than anything else. I hated it.
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