I didn’t have any room for a mate in my heart, only revenge.
The group broke up quickly at that, and I ignored the stares I got from my pack mates as they left the room in a steady trickle.
I’d have to get used to the stares. There was no doubt I’d be stared at for the rest of my life, a monster fit to scare children in bedtime stories.
The outside matches the inside now.
The bitter thought was ringing inside my skull when Kane hesitated next to me, the last to exit the room.
He spoke in low, semithreatening tones meant only for me. “We’re going to give you some space, but I don’t need to remind you that she’s a member of my pack, and I won’t have you treating her or any female under my protection badly. You’ve been through a lot, and it’s okay if you need some time and space to heal before you’re ready to enter a relationship. But do not hurt this girl or be unnecessarily cruel just because you’re angry. That’s a direct order from your Alpha.”
I had no doubt he could feel my turmoil through the pack bonds and knew the storm raging inside me. I gave him a tight nod of acknowledgment, not liking that he knew as much as he did. He squeezed my shoulder before walking out of the room and shutting the door quietly behind him.
There was a beat of utter silence, and then I cleared my throat, needing to break it.
“Are you going to stare at the floor the entire time? If you’re not ready to talk…” Olivia hesitated, and I finally looked up from the carpet.
She was so beautiful, it was physically painful. The kind of beauty that radiated from the goodness inside her. I sucked in a breath through my teeth with a hiss, and she visibly recoiled.
The urge to comfort her, hold her, and apologize was nearly overwhelming. But I couldn’t do that, or she’d get the wrong idea.
She looked so damn wounded by my mere presence, I needed to say something, and fast.
“Look, this is all new. And Kane’s probably right, I need some time to adjust to everything.” I waved with agitation at my hideous scar. “You and I are strangers. Mates? I-” The denial was there, right on my lips, but it just wouldn’t fall, no matter how true it was. I snapped my jaws shut again, angry that I couldn’t just man up and set her free.
“I know we’re strangers, and I am very clear on the fact that you have zero interest in being mated to me. I’m not pushing myself on you at all. I’ll leave, and make it easy.”
She was doing a good impression of bravery, keeping a stiff upper lip, but her scent. That glorious summery perfume in the air around her soured, going from sweet, ripe peaches and oranges to bitter peel in a snap.
My wolf was not pleased that we were the cause of her distress.
Olivia gasped as my vision sharpened, and I knew he was shining through my eyes, demanding that his opinion on the matter be known.
I’m trying to do the right thing here! I practically snarled the angry thought at my wolf, but he refused to pull back, refused to let me speak if I was going to send our mate away.
Ours.
Stubborn ass.
I closed my eyes in frustration, not sure what the fuck to do if I literally couldn’t speak to tell her what I needed to say.
When cool, delicate fingertips traced along the back of my hand, I froze, the touch unexpected and altogether too alluring.
A shudder racked me, and when I opened my eyes again, she was kneeling before my wheelchair, sympathy in her gorgeous green eyes, swimming with unshed tears.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to act like you want this. I get it. I’ll be on the first plane, and maybe eventually-” The words cut off on a sob, and then she was gone, hand over her mouth to cover the sounds of her crying, as if she had anything to be ashamed of.
In that moment, I was lower than the dirt and the worms crawling through it.
“Olivia, wait!” I called after her, but by the time I wrenched the wheelchair around to follow her, Olivia was long gone, door hanging open behind her. The only thing she left behind was the ghostly touch of her fingertips, the phantom pleasure of the first touch we’d shared. That, and a blowtorch-level burn in my side along my ribs, which I suspected was my own mate marks trying to fill in despite my lingering injuries.
I had royally fucked it all up, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
I didn’t know if it was even possible to fix any of it.
But I knew with every fiber of my being that I wasn’t done with her.
One touch wasn’t nearly enough.
Olivia
Tears streamed down my face as I ran, not even caring where I ended up, so long as it was alone, far from the pitying eyes of the pack.
I eventually ran out of steam at the very back of the gardens, a quiet, seldom-tended corner by the looks of things. There were chips in the stone wall, and overgrown bushes that looked a little too wild to be domestic.
It was dark and gloomy where I settled beneath a giant tree, but I didn’t mind. I wanted to hide and lick my wounds in private. So, I sat at the base of the tree, pulling my knees into my chest so I could bury my face against them. How had everything gone so wrong, so quickly?
Wishing for a mate and being lonely sucked, yes. But it was nothing compared to the rejection that lay over me like a smothering blanket now.
He’d looked right into my eyes, and where there should have been love, joy, and excitement, there was only regret and rejection. And fury, I couldn’t forget that.
I was hollow inside, that chain saw of his very effective on my emotions, carving them right out alongside my heart. How long I stayed under the tree, crying out what was left of my feelings, I had no idea. Dusk fell, and once or twice I heard someone calling my name, but I didn’t answer.
When I left the garden, I had to face the truth. Do hard things. Like pack my stuff, tell my new friends goodbye, and fly to Alaska for wolves I’d never met before to babysit me.
Live among complete strangers, again. Be unwanted-an imposition-again.
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