Screw you Colton. You weak ass daddy’s boy who should have just manned the fuck up and realized this was bigger than us! I was the one, not her. How could you?
I don’t really mean it, well almost not fully, but I’m still completely devastated that he betrayed our bond. No matter the reason. Even if it was justified in the grand scheme of things. I don’t think I can ever forgive him for wounding me in this way and destroying what was meant to be a perfect union.
“Oh dear. Are you quite sure he ma….”
“Yes, quite sure!” I snap, mimicking his English accent haughtily and cutting him off. Like I wouldn’t know that pain hitting me in the chest and almost killing me that day and what it was. Have still not recovered fully and carry that weight constantly like a heavy shroud to eternally remind me I’ll love someone I can never have. He’s riling a very tender and open wound and it’s doing nothing for my mood.
“I see. So, if he has another, how do you know you can…?” he gestures at his temple, locking eyes on mine, making circular motions and implying mind link. I roll my eyes. Exhaling to curb this sudden need to punch things and getting rattier by the second, tension rising, making me all sorts of stiff and uptight.
“I don’t, I have to hope.” Snarking at him, gritting my teeth, mood getting sensitive with the current topic of conversation. I know it’s a genuine concern, given that Colton is key to us getting out of this and surviving, it’s just, I’m scared to try now, while everything is so new and raw. I’m out here and all of this has smacked me in the face at once. Add that to the gaping gash of heartbreak he rubbed salt into, and you have one completely irate girl who isn’t pulling herself together as quickly as her life is unravelling.
“Then maybe you should, you know….?” Again, with the rotating finger at his temple and I huff loudly in exasperation, willing him to stop pushing and give me an ever-loving, god damn, breathing space, of a minute. This is hard for me. I erupt, breaking under the pressure. Spectacularly.
“YES! I KNOW!! I’m going to do it! … Excuse me for having a little bit of a mental breakdown with everything I’ve learned in the last six hours and a reminder my fated mate is a cheating asshole. It’s a lot…. A LOT!!! And I’m an eighteen-year-old girl who hasn’t linked her cheating, asshole ex, so called mate, in weeks, since she ran from him. Give me a fucking break already.” I push my fingers and nails through my scalp, pushing my wild hair off my face and gripping it with force at my temples, trying so hard not to self-combust under the extra weight of everything hitting me at once.
“I do say.” The doctor raises his brows at me in a completely ridiculous British way, and then softens his expression and holds out his handkerchief to me in a sort of white flag apology, as more tears roll down my cheeks against my will. Colton always ruins me. I hate that I’m so hopelessly connected to him, that this rules everything I think or feel.
“I’m sorry…. I need to breathe for a few minutes. Colton he’s……. it’s really hard. He hurt me… this, all of this, just hurts.”
Colton is the one thing in my life that has the power over everything else to screw me up with minimal effort. Even finding out I’m some sort of half creature, and my first thought was ‘how will he look at me?’ He’s right in there, deep inside of me, and he can make everything feel so good, or everything worse than bad, that I can barely breathe. Without him I survive, but I wouldn’t exactly call it successful. There’s a need that never leaves me, a longing that never stops calling to him. I miss him, of course I do, and I dream about him, I see, or hear him at stupid points of my day, even when it’s not even related. Reaching out and physically connecting is a whole other kind of torture, especially knowing he’s not mine and never will be now. It was easier to have no contact at all.
I never knew you could both love a person beyond a shadow of a doubt and crave them constantly, while at the same time hating the ground he walks on and wishing I never had to see him ever again. Such is my dilemma.
I need him, yet I don’t want to, and currently I actually physically need him to come and save our asses from this situation. The doc was right, I can’t take on a pack of Santo wolves, especially ones who don’t play fair and use dart guns to subdue my kind. My gifts are worth shit without having the complete control of them. Colton needs to be in this, no matter how I feel, as Sierra is his mother, and I owe him to give her back to him, where she belongs. He can protect her in ways her own pack failed. Her son will never let her down in that way.
“You can have some time; this road is a good long drive to get out of the undergrowth and by my calculations we have three hours minimum, depending on the metabolism of the wolves before they come around in any kind of way. I’m hoping for six, which is probably a human response to the drug, but your kind are always a little more geared to outdoing us, even in an isolation tank. You can take a little head space before you contact him. Just, you know, not too long, as we don’t want to be driving in the wrong direction, or anything.”
The doctor isn’t helping and I turn and stare out the window, watching the trees flash by in the hopes it will numb my brain out with mindless mesmerizing images flashing on by, the light fading with every minute we drive and Sierra is still as immobile and silent as she was.
I need to swallow this, bite the bullet and do it. Like ripping off a band aid, and not sitting pondering and building the moment into something worse.? He’s out there, doing god knows what, and the sooner I link him, or even see if I can, the sooner we can figure this out and head for a safe place and all of this no longer rests on my shoulders alone. Some control of this situation, someone else to make the decisions, and I hope to god I’m not being a fool and putting my faith in Colton, only to have him deliver us back to Juan’s hands. I truly believe in my heart, despite everything that’s happened between us, Colton will come through for me. For us.
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