I try to link him, thinking maybe talking that way will help soothe him, away from the doc’s ears and he might be more open to being less cagey with his feelings but he has the door closed and I can’t get through at all. He’s literally locked me out in every way, and I don’t even know if this is normal behavior for him when he’s nursing pain, or if this is because he remembers I’m not his mate and he should only be sharing that space with her.
Fuck you, Carmen. Fuck you, Colton.
I hate that he can make me feel this way, a new storm swishing around inside of me and I have to stop myself from glaring at him. A new surge of conflicting pain and I resist the urge to slap him. I sit back in my chair and pull my legs under me, hauling my body in tight to self soothe, calm the torrent of crazy, and try not to stare at him, or throw shade. It’s hard when he’s right there, yet feels a thousand miles away, and my own emotions are in uproar. I can’t even pick a side and stick to it.
I want to be mad at him and hate him, I have every right, but when he’s near I can’t stop this overwhelming pain and heartbreak he causes me, although right now, I’ve added compassion and empathy to that mix, and I’m dying inside for him. Even while cursing him. I want to ease his own pain and as stupid as it seems, I’m devastated he’s closing me out like it has nothing to do with me. I’m so confused at my idiot thoughts and responses.
“Where are we going?” I utter it his way, unable to not say something to him, even though he said he doesn’t want to talk. I can’t sit in painful silence feeling like this. Colton exhales with a sigh that signals he’s not really into answering but compelled to do so.
“To the manor I inherited from my mom. It’s someplace my father never had any control over. It’s where we’ve been staying these past weeks. Lorey, I told you, so much has changed.” Colton’s eyes flick my way, he frowns at me and sighs again, and then looks back at the road and doesn’t elaborate. I mean I get he’s currently working through some of his own shit in his mind, but an explanation would be nice. This minimal chat bull crap isn’t working for me.
“Such as?” I push, locking my eye on him with a flash of stubborn and I can’t miss the way his whole-body tenses up. The exhale, frustrated grip on the steering wheel, because it’s obvious I’m not going to shut up and leave him alone, and that has him rolling his shoulders to relieve tension while he decides answering is inevitable.
“The pack is divided. Half are here with me, the other at the mountain. There was a fight, when I challenged my father for leadership, and it got real messy. The people were turning and with more attacks in the west, he was becoming a dictator, forcing the people under his command, and treating them like they were all his prisoners. I had to do something, and he didn’t like it. He lost! …. I’m the rightful alpha of the Santo pack now, but instead of stepping down gracefully as the laws dictate, he ordered those loyal to him to take out me and mine.” It’s an exasperated tone, explaining something he clearly doesn’t want to, and it revs up that aura of closed off hostile around him. I gawp at him in wide eyed shock, heart thundering crazily, trying to really pull those words together. It hits me that while I was having my own existential crisis, so was he.
“I don’t know what to say.” I stammer, side swept with that revelation of events, that I honestly never saw coming at all. That explains that cloak of darkness around Colton. Since I left his whole world has turned upside down, and his father already gave him reason to hate him, making my enlightening news somewhat less unbelievable. My memories only added fuel to his fire.
“There’s nothing to say. My father tried to kill me. You were the catalyst, I guess… you leaving me, realizing that I was an idiot and lost the only thing that should have mattered. I failed you, and then a shit storm blew up around me with another vamp attack and life imploded. My father’s men are at war with his own people, still under threat of new vamp attacks. We’re scattered across the north and I have a sizeable chunk at my mom’s estate, hiding out, scared shitless.” there’s a calm sort of acceptance in his tone, as though he’s not okay, but this is his reality and he’s dealing with it in anyway he knows how.
“Oh my god.” I feel sick, as bile rises in my throat, the levity of the situation finally coming through at me. I was an idiot to think that he’d been sitting twiddling his thumbs at the pack house while I’ve been gone. Everything is in uproar and he’s been in the middle of an actual war.
“It’s not the same size as the manor by a long shot, it’s a homestead, and smaller, but it has land. It’s isolated from humans, surrounded by forests, and for now we’re managing to defend it pretty well. I’m more focused on keeping my people safe and giving them a place to rebuild, before I go chasing vampires and starting fights like my father seems to be doing. It’s all he cares about, and now knowing what you showed me… it makes fucking sense. The war were his glory days, he was a commander with an army who jumped to his orders, lording over a united race. I wouldn’t put it past him to somehow deliver a means to the vampires to rile it up again.” The anger simmers in his tone and it’s obvious Colton has been going through it as much as I have.
“Do you think the orphanage attack, we were meant to die? Was it him?” I touch on the memory Colton would have seen, of me and the doctor theorizing this exact question, but Colton shakes his head and glances my way, a look of complete cynicism.
“No, he really didn’t seem to know that was coming, and from what you’ve shown me…. your death is hers.” He nods at the rear view, so I glance back at his mother. “Her death is his. He wouldn’t have wanted it. And until I challenged him, he truly was still reeling me along like he thought I would somehow support him in his madness. He didn’t want me dead, he wanted me bound to his loyals, so I would follow him into war.” That edge of something else clawing in, like maybe anger at not seeing it before.
So, Juan wasn’t behind the orphanage, but he did create the tech to disable us. He sold it out there, not caring who got hold of it, because he wanted the vampires to think they had a weapon to restart a war. He had to know once they got it they would have the confidence to try and come at the wolves again at some point, so he waited.
The Vampires thought they had a full proof plan. They aren’t as strong as us, but with something like the isolation box, they would be stronger, and have a shot at taking us down this time. Which means Juan has to know how to combat it and disable the effects of the box. He would never let them have something that would give them their victory, of course not, he’ll have a master plan that he’s going to sit on until this thing is in full throes. He has to keep his weapon hidden and let this brew long enough to give the packs a need to unite before he brings out whatever that is and prove victorious once again.
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