I reply desperately, unable to contain the surge of adrenalin that hearing him inside my head gives me. Just a tiny ounce of contact, restoring some of this desolate emptiness I’ve been feeling since that night.
I’m in the pack house and we have to be discreet. Meet me in the west forest, deep down by the old cavern, within the hour. Don’t let anyone see you leave. I’m being watched like a hawk, but I know how to get there unseen. We have to talk face to face.
I almost sob with both the utter happiness at hearing from him and the fact I will get to see him for real, not just an image in my head. To share physical air, and lay eyes on what my soul craves the most. The only thing dampening my crazy instant elation is the serious almost monotone hint in his voice and the lack of his excitement I’m experiencing as I pick up emotions through the link.
Can’t we talk like this first. I don’t know if I can get out right away, and it just feels so good hearing you inside my head again. Don’t go. Talk to me now.
I sound as desperate as I feel, and I don’t want him to close the link once more. I’ve waited endlessly to have him link me like this.
No. It’s harder like this, it only strengthens our bond when we link this way and I have a lot to say. I told you, this needs to be face to face. There’s something we have to do properly.
My heart plummets into my stomach as his alpha tone hints through, and I know I’m being commanded and not asked. That doesn’t sit well, and the sense of foreboding that sentence gives me almost rips my soul in two. It’s obvious whatever he wants to say is not going to be about finding a way to make this work without his father’s blessing. He wouldn’t care about making our bond stronger if that were true. I try to ignore the suspicions, but I just can’t.
Just meet me, please.
This time the tone is gone and it’s just sheer request with a little underlying plead. I hold in the urge to beg him to talk more now and push the tears aside, clinging onto hope that maybe face to face it will be something good, not what I fear, and nod into my empty room. Heaviness consuming me as heartache gnaws at my stomach and chest.
I’ll be there.
I sound deflated, sad. Close to breaking, with a raw huskiness in my tone that I can’t conceal and wait for him to close the link between us. Like waiting on something painful to happen, and I hold my breath.
Alora?……. I’m…. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I’m sorry that it was me.
Before I get a chance to reply to that strained husky reply, he closes off and I physically feel the link between us go dead.? My mind quieting back to solitary and I know he’s gone. Even with a bond, a mate can choose to close the channel of communication at will, and he just did, like he has been doing for days. I stare at the wall numbly, lost in the moment and how empty everything feels once more. Knowing that my prison is going to be eternal and I can’t see any other way out.
I know I’m getting to see him, finally, but everything about that interaction breaks me open and I roll over into my cushions to sob it all out. Crying in pain, that’s not too dissimilar to mourning my entire family, ten years ago. I feel worse now I’ve spoken to him briefly. This feels as much of a loss as then, even if it seems crazy and not even a comparison. Like something awful is coming and that when I see him, it will only serve to cause me more devastation.
A nagging voice of logic and haste in the back of my head pulls me out of my dark depressive state, and reminds me that if I want to get to the forest within the hour, I need to get up and motivate myself. In human form, it’s a trek and a half, and I need time to get ready. I’ve been living in my nightwear for days.
In wolf form I’ll get there in minutes but completely naked, and I haven’t yet tried to turn of my own accord. Too preoccupied to even attempt it and wouldn’t know how to start without a little practice. I need to shower, change, make myself look half human at least, and hide the dark circles and shadows from pining my days away. I don’t want him to see me at my worst.
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