“I never used to dream at all…ever. Not even as a kid. They only started after I unbound my gifts.” He shrugs in irritation and slumps back down in his seat and picks up his fork absentmindedly. I know he’s told me this before, but it still silences me, and I stare at my food with a little defeat. I don’t know what else to say to put his mind at ease.
“Maybe Alora’s right though, it might be that by binding your gifts, I bound your natural ability to dream and work through your problems in the sleep state. Which is normal for all people and now you can do it. Maybe this is nothing more than Alora symbolizing your whole world, your people, our home, me, your responsibility, this land, and you feel responsible for it all. That in your disconnected state it was somehow highlighting you feel overwhelmed with the huge responsibility and maybe feel that one little taking your eye off the ball will result in your striking down your heart…your world. Which she was in your dream. Dreams don’t have to be more than that, even visions sometimes.” Sierra must sense his confusion too and her soft smile and confident expression seem to bring him some peace.
“Yeah, my gifts aren’t exactly stable, or clear cut. I dream sporadically and nothing ever makes sense. I thought it would be more like seeing a movie and knowing exactly what to do.” He sighs, leaning my way and sliding his palm onto my thigh as I instinctively take his hand.
“If only. Sometimes they do come at you and with perfect clarity, tell a story. Most of the time, they’re a mess of figuring it out and second guessing what it’s meant to be saying. When I was pregnant with you I kept seeing a white dove, carrying a leaf….. multiple times. Never once clicked that it was symbolic of a new life and a new path, with the purest of love. My son.” Sierra glows at that and for a moment it hurts. To know she was denied a decade of that child’s life and now, she’s stuck here in a mateless bond with no hope of ever being able to produce another child.
Even in her circumstances it’s forbidden for her to find another mate and it wouldn’t exactly kill the bond she has to Juan. Even if she despises everything he has done, she still cries for the way her heart bleeds at the separation of her bond. It’s partly why she’s driven to sadness and isolation to try and work through and understand her own internal conflict. You can both love and hate someone at the same time.
“Maybe you’re right and I’m overthinking it. I just need to pull us all together and focus on one day at a time. I would never hurt you, Lorey, not like that. I know I wouldn’t, so it can’t be real, or a future vision. It has to be symbolic, and we’ll figure it out.” Colton seems calmer now, relaxed, and he sighs it out, picking up his pancake with a half-smile as I lean in and kiss him on the cheek softly.
“I know you never would.” I nuzzle against him for a second as he slides his arm around me, instead of hand holding, and gives me a hug to assure me that he’s the one person in the world who would never do anything in life to hurt me in any kind of way ever again. He loves me and this is something insignificant.
“Alpha, Luna, Rema, I’m sorry to disrupt your breakfast but I must have words with my Alpha.” Radar stands at the open door to our breakfast room, eyes on his feet like always whenever he’s in the presence of Sierra. Even though her being changed to Rema, or Mother of the Alpha, and no longer Luna, he has never broken the habit. As Delta to Colton, he has authority to look even his alpha in the eye so I always find it weird he can’t break this respectful mannerism for her. I guess knowing he has always had affections for her is partly why. I think he’s too shy to look Sierra in the face.
“I’m coming.” Colton gets up quickly, hitting my temple with a kiss before sliding out of his seat and discarding his half-eaten breakfast. He passes behind his mother and kisses her on top of the head as he goes. This is normal for our life. He takes care of everything and is always ready to jump to attention should issues arise. No time of the day is out of bounds except our quiet time before bed.
We have an understanding that he takes care of the security, the military side, the continual running’s, and I take care of the people’s everyday needs. Education, food, love, community. I prefer it to tactical meetings and the ever rounding up of sentinel patrols to keep our land safe. I help with patrols when he joins them but other than that, the security is not part of what I focus on.
Sierra watches Radar from the corner of her eye, sitting a little straighter and pastes on a warm smile before turning towards him fully. Not that he will see it, with his eyes fixed firmly on the marble floor and I wish he would just make contact at least once in her lifetime. She obviously likes him.
“You look well. I like your new haircut.” She smiles somewhat coyly, and Radar stiffens. A hint of pink flush blushes over his cheek bones and it only seems to push his nose further down towards his feet.
“Thank you, Rema Santo.” Radar is curt, a little too quick with his response while his cheekbones color further as he turns with an almost relieved exhale when Colton passes him with a pat on the shoulder to tell him to move.
They leave with him pulling the door closed behind them so we can eat in peace and not even a glance in our direction as they disappear between the crack. I glance to her crestfallen face as she goes back to her food, not the first time I’ve seen the slight disappointment in her brief interactions with her ex-guard, and this time I can’t hold my tongue.
“You like him, don’t you?” I smile encouragingly as Sierra’s face flames crimson, and she drops her fork with clumsy fingers.
“I ..umm, am grateful…he was my Ummm. No, I can’t. I mean, no, I do…of course, I do. He’s truly awesome as a male, wolf, guard, type, sort of guy, um young man. Not that young, I mean almost my age young, Ughhh………. I owe him my life. It’s just…. He’s very….. aloof. For a guy who used to shadow me and make me feel safe.” Her blushing goes all the way to her roots, and I grin wider. Knowing that fumbling awkward self-war only too well. Breathless, tongue tied, fidgeting insanely with her plate and fork and unable to look me in the eye at all. The little warm spread through my heart tells me I hit the nail on the head.
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