Beta long enough to read between the lines, to understand what I wasn’t saying.
“She chose you,” Nina said quietly. “She chose Shadowmere. That has to mean something.”
*”Does it?”* I couldn’t keep the bitterness from my mental voice.
*”Or did she just choose anywhere that wasn’t with him? I felt her emotions, Nina. The way her heart broke when he mentioned their plans for pups, for a future together. She still cares about him. Still loves him, maybe.”*
“Love doesn’t die overnight,” Nina agreed. “Especially not years of it. But Aria is stronger than you’re giving her credit for. She walked away from him just now. Slapped him when he tried to manipulate her. Told him she was falling in love with you.”
*”She said that to hurt him. To make him feel what she’s been feeling all these years.”*
“Maybe,” Nina conceded. “Or maybe she meant it. Have you considered that both things could be true? That she could still have feelings for her past while building something new with you?”
I hadn’t. Couldn’t see past my own fears to consider that possibility.
The truth was, I knew I was getting a chance with Aria only because Damon had fumbled catastrophically. If he’d been even halfway decent to her, if he’d chosen her over Sera, if he’d valued what she’d given him – I never would have met her. She’d be bonded to him, happy in Blackwood pack, living the life she’d dreamed about.
I was the backup plan. The consolation prize. The cursed Alpha she’d agreed to bond with because staying in Blackwood was too painful.
And that knowledge ate at me like acid.
*”I need to talk to her,”* I said, turning toward where Aria had disappeared into the forest. *”I need to know if she actually wants this, or if she’s just using me to get back at him.”*
Nina’s hand tightened on my fur. “Don’t. Not right now. She asked for space – mumbled something about needing time alone before she left. Give her that. Let her process what just happened without you hovering and demanding answers she might not have yet.”
She was right. I forced myself to stay put, to watch the forest where she’d vanished and trust that she’d come back. That she’d keep her commitment to the ceremony, to the pack, to me.
“Come on,” Nina said gently, tugging at my fur. “Let’s head back. We need to debrief the council about Alpha Cross’s visit, figure out what his appearance means for pack security. He seemed… unstable.”
*”He’s desperate,”* I corrected.
*”Desperate men do foolish things. Like crossing territorial borders to beg for a woman who’s already rejected them.”*
“Do you think he’ll cause problems at the ceremony?”
The thought had occurred to me. Damon hadn’t seemed like someone who would accept defeat gracefully.
*”He might try,”* I admitted. *”We should increase security for the blood moon. Extra patrols, guards at all entry points. I don’t want him anywhere near Aria during the ceremony.”*
Nina nodded grimly. “I’ll arrange it. Though if he does show up, if he tries to challenge you – “
*”Then I’ll deal with it,”* I growled. *”He’s not taking her from me. Not when she’s finally found somewhere she belongs.”*
We walked back through the forest in silence, my mind churning with dark thoughts.
The pack house was bustling when we arrived. Word had spread about the visitors at the border, and wolves were gathered in small groups, speculating about what it meant. I caught fragments of conversation as we passed:
” – heard it was her old Alpha – “
” – trying to steal her back before the ceremony – “
” – wonder if she’ll change her mind – “
That last one made my wolf snarl. Was everyone thinking the same thing I was? That Aria might bolt, might choose Damon after all?
Nina must have sensed my agitation because she quickened her pace, leading me away from the common areas toward the administrative wing. Eliza was waiting in the council chamber, along with three of the pack elders.
“Alpha,” Eliza greeted, her weathered face concerned. “We heard about the incident at the border. Is the Luna alright?”
The Luna. They were already calling her that, already accepting her as pack. Would they feel betrayed if she left? Would they blame me for not being enough to keep her?
*”She’s processing,”* I said carefully. *”The confrontation with Alpha Cross was… difficult. But she’s strong. She’ll be fine.”*
I hoped I sounded more confident than I felt.
“Alpha Cross had no right to come here,” one of the elders – Marcus, no relation to Damon’s head warrior – said sharply.
“Demanding an audience, trying to interfere with our Luna’s bonding ceremony. It’s a breach of protocol.”
“He claimed it was urgent pack business,” Nina explained. “But it was clear he was here for personal reasons. To try to convince Aria to return to Blackwood with him.”
“And?” Eliza asked, her eyes sharp. “What did our Luna say?”
“She refused him,” Nina said, and I felt a surge of gratitude toward her for making that sound definitive, final. “Told him she’s committed to Shadowmere, to Alpha Kael. That she’s moving forward with the ceremony.”
The elders nodded approvingly, but I could see the same worry in their eyes that I felt. Words were easy. Following through when emotions were involved was harder.
“We need to discuss security for the blood moon ceremony,” I said, forcing myself to focus on practical matters instead of my spiraling anxiety. “I don’t trust Alpha Cross to accept Aria’s rejection gracefully. He might try to disrupt the ceremony, issue a challenge. We need to be prepared.”
We spent the next hour mapping out security protocols. Extra guards at every entry point to pack lands. Patrols doubled along our borders. A security team specifically assigned to watch Aria, to make sure no one could get to her before the ceremony was complete.
It should have made me feel better. Instead, it just emphasized how precarious this all was. How much could go wrong in the next two days.
When the meeting finally ended, I found myself wandering the pack house rather than heading to my den. My wounds from the nightwalker attack had healed almost completely, leaving only faint scars beneath my fur. The moonbeam plants were still working in my system, keeping the curse at bay, allowing me to think and communicate clearly.
But they hadn’t broken the curse entirely. I was still trapped in this form, still unable to shift back to human, still watching the woman I was supposed to bond with through wolf’s eyes instead of being able to hold her properly, comfort her properly, *be* properly with her.
The frustration of it hit me hard. How could I compete with Damon when I couldn’t even speak to Aria with my own voice? When every interaction was filtered through a mindlink, when I couldn’t take her in my arms and promise her everything would be okay?
I found Nina in her office, reviewing security rosters. She looked up when I padded in, unsurprised.
“Couldn’t stay away?” she asked with a small smile.
KAEL
*”I’ve been thinking,”* I said, settling on the floor near her desk. *”About the curse. About ways to break it faster. Is there anything we haven’t tried? Any ritual, any magic, anything that might work?”*
Nina’s expression turned cautious. “You know we’ve exhausted most options. The Moon Priestess said the curse would only break when you bonded with your true mate. We’re two days away from that ceremony.”
*”But what if the ceremony isn’t enough?”* I pressed. *”What if I need to be human first, need to be able to properly court Aria, show her what being with me could actually be like? She’s falling in love with a giant wolf, Nina. How is that fair to her?”*
“Is this about Aria,” Nina asked quietly, “or about Alpha Cross?”
I didn’t answer. Couldn’t admit that yes, this was absolutely about Damon. About the fact that he could hold Aria if she’d let him, could speak to her with his actual voice, could offer her the kind of relationship I couldn’t in this form.
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