It feels good to be home but standing in the almost darkness and staring at that imposing fog, knowing Colton isn’t inside to greet me, stings. To shower me with his love and hugs, that I need more than air. He’s out there, watching and waiting for his chance to wound me instead, and it dampens my joy down completely. Heart tearing with the return to reality, eyes misting that we are so close yet still so far in terms of bringing them out of the fog.
Instinct pulls me to the nearest wall of mist, and I get close enough to the tree line that I can see out through the forest at where the fog physically meets the boundary. Straining to see as Carmen hangs back, sensing I need a moment.
“Colton…. If you can hear me…. You have more than me to fight for now, don’t give up. We’re working on it. I love you and I miss you.” its loud enough that my voice travels on the wind and yet quiet enough and directed away from the house to not echo around the drive. Only Carmen will have caught it and she remains silent and at a distance, giving me some space and showing respect.
The fog twirls and moves in the wind and for a second, I catch a glimpse of a lone dark figure directly in front, separated by the twenty feet or so of wood and he’s staring right at me. Full on wolf form, black, devastating in size, claws extended in readiness, and glistening in the moon light. He’s a sight to behold on any given day, but like this, how he is shreds my emotions into frenzied pain and aches heavily in my chest. His eyes are still empty darkness, and his growling snarl is unmistakable to my ears. I would know Colton anywhere, no matter the distance.
He’s warning me that I’m his prey and if this wall wasn’t holding him back, nothing I could say would stop him from tearing me limb from limb. We connect for one second, a tiny fragment between my mate and I and yet I feel only his desire to kill me. Its intensity is shocking and overwhelming to my soul. I shudder, turning away with tears blinding my eyes, to shut him out and jump when I bump into Carmen right behind me. She’s moved closer as though to make sure I didn’t stray closer to the border. Lingering to protect.
“It’s not really him…. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. This isn’t who he is, and you know it. When the spell’s broken, Luna, he’ll smother you with love and protect you and his children with the ferocity of what you see standing out there now. Try and not let this get to you… at least you know his heart is willing when everything else is pulled away.” Her sadness bites through and she rubs my shoulder lightly. Rare physical contact, before turning on her heel and walking towards the house. She gestures me to follow and seems sure I am coming now, while I blink after her in astonishment. The hints of that caring person I see in her sometimes, shining through and reminding me how unfair life can be.
“Carmen? Jasper….” I don’t know what words I intended but his name alone dies on my lips with the pain from my own heart at saying it. I realize I have no idea how to console her at all, when I don’t even know how to process myself that my brother stands against us. Her aura changes to cold and closed stiffness instantly.
“Don’t. Karma, remember? I deserved this.” She shrugs, that controlled mask of indifference back in place and moves off, throwing her feelings away. Sill walking without looking back and I silently shake my head.
No, you don’t.
I maybe used to think she deserved all kinds of awful to happen to her for her part in my pain, but not anymore. I hate that she now suffers all the things I did in some strange balance that seems to be intent on making her feel everything I once suffered through – the death of my mom, the loss of the pack, the mistreatment under Juan’s care. The rejection of an imprinted mate because of who she is. Walking alone as though cut off from the shore, while trying to find her place in a new order of things. She’s the outsider now.
Carmen doesn’t deserve to keep being put through all of this and she’s stronger than most. To keep getting up to fight over and over again. Jasper, he was always so loving, so loyal and I know that if she weren’t a Santo, he would the kind of mate she could only dream of. As a brother he was everything in my world, my rock, my safe haven, and I don’t doubt a mate would be even more cherished. He would love her in ways that would heal all her wounds, protect her, and show her what worth and stability are in the same way he showed me.
She just happened to have the wrong name…. and nothing to do with a feud that meant her mate despises her for that one detail alone. Jasper is an idiot to not see beyond his own hatred.
“I should go see Sierra first while you see what the kitchen has to offer. I’ll come right back; I swear. She’ll want to see me, know I’m safe. I know how she is, and her worry won’t subside without it. Besides, I have to tell her about….” I glance down at my stomach, feeling awkward and still not fully confident in this new little fact at all. I still need to have it confirmed but, deep down inside since Leyanne told me, I have known it to be true. I can sense something now which I ignored before and I’m certain it was two little lives.
Carmen nods sadly when I catch up with her and link my hand in hers loosely, a natural movement borne of being friends with Meadow. She hesitates, flexes her fingers and her hand pauses but doesn’t pull away and avoids looking at me directly.
“I can get something for you and bring it up to her suite. I’m sure Sierra will be happy to see her daughter in the flesh, even if the witch is monopolizing her attention.” Her tone is tight, a slight lacing of something under the surface that I can’t read. Her emotions are shielded effectively, and I sigh inwardly that she just won’t let her guard down. Not even around her Luna.
I’m glad she doesn’t argue with me the way Meadow does on this, and we part at the inner stairway when we get inside the house. Just the air and the atmosphere alone make me see how much tension I’ve been holding in my body these last couple of days and I exhale to release some of it. My body sagging at the familiar and safe surroundings, the very air in this space calling me home and soothing that eternal weight of pain in my chest. If he wasn’t missing in this scene, then this would be heaven to return to.
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