What if I ruined it just by breathing too close?
“They’re called Moonlit Étoile Roses,” I heard him say, above my head. “They can’t be found anywhere else in the world as they’ve been cultivated exclusively in this garden for centuries.” They’re used in every major royal event… the Mating Ceremony, coronations, the presentation of heirs… even in our funeral rites.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. My focus was fixed.
I didn’t know how long I stayed like that, just staring at them. Entranced.
Eventually, my legs started to cramp, and I pushed myself up to stand, wincing slightly as I stretched my muscles.
That was when I saw him. Sargis, sitting cross-legged on one of the bag chairs like it was his personal throne, with his hands behind his head and a toothy smile lighting up his face.
I quickly looked away.
I didn’t know why the sight of him relaxed and so unbothered, made something flutter and twist in my stomach.
I drifted toward the other chair and paused. I sat down hesitantly.
“You know, this has always been my favorite place to escape to. Even when I was a kid. Especially then. Whenever I had a fight with my parents, or I just needed to disappear, I came here.” He glanced around as if seeing it through younger eyes. “It was the one place they couldn’t find me in. And I liked that.”
He looked up at the leaves shifting overhead, then back at me.
“It still is my place. When everything gets too loud, meetings, advisors, power plays, decisions, I come here to bask in the silence.” He smiled faintly. “And beauty.”
His expression was open in a way I hadn’t seen before.
“People always assume kings don’t need silence,” he added. “They forget that we’re the ones surrounded by noise the most.”
I didn’t mean to listen so closely.
But I did.
I tried to imagine him younger. With that same cascade of dark curls and those mischievous eyes, only without the weight he carried now. Running through these flower-lined paths, hiding from the world. It wasn’t hard to picture.
And before I could stop myself, my lips tugged upward into the smallest smile.
But I caught it quickly and wiped it away. I had no business smiling at him.
“You should see this place at night,” he continued. “The stars are so clear, it almost feels like the sky’s been pulled closer just for you. And the Moonlit Étoiles? They glow. Like actual silver lanterns.” His eyes flicked toward mine. “I’ll bring you next time. Especially if we’re lucky enough to catch an aurora borealis. You’ll be blown away.”
He said it so casually. But I looked at him then.
There was no angle in his eyes, no cleverness, or manipulation. Just… truth. He genuinely wanted to share that moment with me. Not as a king. Not as someone who expected something in return. But simply as a person who found something beautiful and wanted someone else to see it too.
It threw me off.
I didn’t know how to handle that kind of sincerity.
So I said nothing.
I looked up at the sun instead, trying to picture the night sky he’d painted for me so vividly. But all I saw was brightness.
So I blinked and looked away.
When I opened my eyes again, he was looking at me.
“You’re so beautiful,” I heard him murmur under his breath, like it slipped out before he could stop it. “Has anyone ever told you that?”
I froze.
Suddenly, my throat locked up.
No. No one had ever said that to me. Not once. And certainly not the way he did.
My chest squeezed with something foreign, and my pulse drummed behind my ears.
What… what was this?
This sensation clawing up my chest like it was trying to escape?
My mouth went dry too. I didn’t know where to put my eyes, so I dropped them to the flowers instead. I stared at their perfect petals like they held answers. But inside, something warm and fragile and terrifying bloomed behind my ribs. This… whatever this was, blooming in my chest, it was dangerous. A sickly sweet temptation.
And I needed to kill it before it sprouted into something I couldn’t rip out. Because this feeling, it was making me want to trust him and let my guard down.
And I couldn’t.
Because if I did… if I let myself start believing I was safe, or wanted, or loved, and it all came crashing down when he finally saw me for what I truly was, I wouldn’t survive the wreckage.
I’d barely survived Joe.
This… this would be worse. So much worse. Because unlike Joe, Sargis was slowly becoming a comfort.
And that was the most dangerous kind of lie.
So no, I am not beautiful.
I am not worthy.
I am the girl who has eaten moldy bread and drank from her own cupped hands her urine. The girl who sat in her own filth because no one remembered to let her out. The girl who grew up learning not to speak and hope.
I cannot afford this kind of illusion.
So I stood up abruptly.
I needed to get away. Now.
“I want to go back,” The words only formed in my head, never reaching my lips.
He stood too, concern flitting across his face as he took a step toward me.
I instinctively took a step back.
He furrowed his brows in concern. “Hey, are you okay?”
No, I wanted to scream. No, I’m not okay.
I want you to stop doing this. Stop stirring up storms in me. Stop confusing me with softness.
Stop making me want to believe in something beautiful.
Be a monster. Be the arrogant, cold-hearted king I was warned about. Be cruel, please, so I can hate you properly and protect myself the way I’ve always done.
I wanted to yell all of that. But I couldn’t.
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