“What?” I blink innocently closing my eyes automatically as I find my shelter, tucked under his chin and within that secure hold that can wipe away the darkest of days. Submerging and inhaling that familiar him. We haven’t even spent one night together since I got him back and I long to be laid in the dark, nestled together, and back with him intimately as soon as this is over.
“I love you….” His hoarse voice reverberates through my body and a wave of deep emotion surges between us. Pain and need and a hint of regret. “I’m so sorry about everything…. not just this….. but every ounce of pain I’ve caused you since the moment we bonded. And then before… for everything you went through at the hands of my father.” His voice breaks and tears fill my eyes at this sudden apology that I never needed from him.
“Colton, you don’t…” I try to soothe him, but he shushes me with a squeeze.
“You’re my life, my soul. My reason for getting up every day….. and I never even told you what you being pregnant means to me. I’ve brushed it off and focused on all of this for my own sanity and you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry, baby. You deserve me making you secure, telling you how happy you make me. How happy I am that you’re pregnant. And I am…. crazy happy. You have no idea.” He gives me an extra squeeze and winds me. “I wanna yell it from the rooftops that I’m that ecstatic about it. I’ll do anything to protect you and my babies. I’ll do everything in my power to give you the life you all deserve with me. You make my life complete.” Colton pulls my chin up with a gentle finger under it and sinks a tender kiss on me, stealing my breath away and silencing every doubt and nerve in my body. The emptiness and pain of the last week finally fades away and I melt into him like hot liquid, so quick for the passion to ignite between us and I kiss him back with fervor. Pushing my tongue against his and notching up the desire into instant fire.
Colton surprises me, being he’s the one who always wants to push things to sex at any opportunity, by pulling back and cooling the tempo with a sudden pause. Toning down our make out session back to simmering sweetness.
“We shouldn’t…. not until it’s safe. Three months, right? Do we even know how far on you are?” He traces my kiss swollen lips with his thumb so gently that I can’t be mad at him for stopping this. His eyes glittering with emotion as he focuses on my face and that smile bringing out his dimples, radiating genuine happiness. Always protecting what’s his, always attentive to every detail.
“With everything that’s happened, no. I haven’t even had a chance to properly be seen by the midwife.” I admit with a blush, knowing that saying it allowed makes me sound uncaring.
“We have time. We could go down now… we could …”
“No!” I catch his hands as he tries to lasso me to move and pull him back a little aggressively. Instant tears hitting me for no apparent reason with his sudden need to get me downstairs to the med bay, and emotion overwhelms me so suddenly. A lurching of my heart and a neediness hitting full throttle.
“I need you here with me alone, for now. Just us, until it’s time! I missed you and I need you to stay here. I don’t want to go down there yet or deal with that…. not with this hanging over us, coloring it this way. After, I promise, but not now, please, Colton. When it’s done when we can focus on these…” It’s almost a whining wail and tears blur my vision. I have no idea where this came from.
I rub my hand over my flat abdomen and look down at the life I know is growing in there, with a soft sniff to catch my stupid tears back where they belong. Colton patient and quiet as he listens to me and strokes my hair to say he’s not moving us. His eyes locked on mine and that mature and calm expression he gets when he knows I need something from him, and he should take note.
“That’s when we do it. Whatever is needed, and it feels special, not rushed. For right now, I just need you to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, like you always do. That we can do this. That we will get through this.” It’s what I needed most when I didn’t have him. His dependency, his solid confidence, and ability to make everything right in my world. Colton always finds a way. I needed my protector and now he’s here, I want to let go of everything and go back to being sheltered for a moment.
“Baby.” Colton slides me back against him and tucks my head under his chin with a large palm, once again wrapping me up in his strong arms against that chiseled body and applies a little reassuring pressure. “You know I will always do whatever you need. It’s my life’s mission to make you happy.” He soothes me, stroking back my hair and makes me feel like everything is safe once more. That he won’t slip away the second I close my eyes and that we’re not being rushed to part anytime soon.
I don’t even know where this sudden insecurity sprung from. I was fine earlier when he went downstairs to make sure everyone knew the plan and talk to the pack, but it’s maybe because the sun is starting to fade, and I’m scared of what’s coming. What we must do. Emotional because of what he said and how he’s being. His apology felt like something more.
I almost failed in the forest. I wasn’t as strong or as able as previously and I almost died. I was useless, and even with Carmen and Sierra trying to stay with me, I wasn’t what I thought I would be. I disappointed myself. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I thought being some sort of prophecy meant I was invincible, and nothing could pull me down, yet out there facing my own mate… I couldn’t fight him like this. Pregnant, weak, restrained. It was pathetic.
I would have died and so would he, our babies, Sierra. If Leyanne hadn’t broken the curse when she did. I was so close and now there’s a fear deep inside of me that tonight, I will only let my mate and my pack down. I’m not worthy, not in the way I thought I was meant to be. I don’t know if the prophecy really has the right wolf after all. I think after the events of the last week, a part of me is afraid that Colton will disappear again when we go back out there. That somehow, he isn’t safe and that maybe we might lose our pack in some freaking magical way again and I’ll be just as powerless. If that happens, I feel like it will all be my fault, because this all started with my mother and then me.
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