“No, thank you. Keep that one separate.”
We arrive at the cemetery, and Jax puts the flowers on my parent’s headstone. Jaxon was only a day old when they died, but I have always made sure he knew about them. They had died in a horrific car accident whilst I was still in the hospital after giving birth.
I had thought losing Ryder was the worst thing that could happen to me until that day. My parents were the best. They supported me throughout my pregnancy and, whilst I grieved for Ryder. My heart still aches for them and for my son. They would have adored Jaxon and I hate he never got to have a relationship with them. I could really use my mum’s support right now. I know she would offer me some wise words about moving onto better things.
After some time at the cemetery, we get back in the car, ready to leave this town and start our new life. I just have one more stop to make.
I park outside the detached bungalow, Ryder’s old house, and am overwhelmed by memories. I haven’t been here for years, not since I met Greg. Visiting this place felt like betraying him. Sadly, his devotion paled compared to mine.
The once beautifully manicured garden is now overgrown, and the paint is flaking from the small iron gate. The house still looks untouched.
“Who lives here, mummy?” Jax asks.
“This is where your daddy lived before he went missing,” I explain.
Although he’s not old enough to fully understand, I have never hidden the truth from Jaxon. I didn’t want him to grow up thinking his father hadn’t wanted him.
“Do you think he might still be hiding in there? We could try to find him. Maybe he is under the bed. I go under my bed when I’m scared,” Jax says, and I smile at his naivety.
“No, bud, he’s not in there,” I sigh and unbuckle my seatbelt.
“Can I come?” Jaxon asks, as I climb out of the car.
“Sure,” I say, opening his door and helping him out of his seat before taking the single black rose from the passenger seat.
The iron gate screeches as I struggle to push it open with its rusted hinges. Another sign that no one has been here for years. I expected the house to be on the market by now. It just adds more to the mystery that the house remains empty.
I walk hand in hand with Jax up to the front door. Butterflies flutter in my stomach just as they did the first time I walked up this path to knock on this door for our first date.
Ryder’s parents had been out, and he had invited me over to watch a movie. I clearly remember the way my breath had caught in my throat when he had opened the door and his piercing blue eyes had captivated me.
At first, we had sat awkwardly at opposite ends of the couch sharing a bag of popcorn and as the movie played, our hands had slowly inched closer together until our pinky fingers had touched. That tiny contact had sent my heart racing, and I had known in that moment that Ryder would be someone special to me.
I have never had anyone make me feel the way Ryder could. Each touch felt like a soothing balm. His kisses felt like electric charging my soul and his hugs were an impenetrable shield. I felt so safe in his arms.
Jaxon pulls his hand from mine, snapping me out of the memory that had been replaying in my mind. He steps up onto the doorstep and reaches out, placing a hand flat on the door and closing his eyes.
“He’s not in here,” he sighs and steps back to take my hand again.
I lean down and place the rose on the doorstep.
“What does the black one mean?” Jax asks.
“It represents power, strength and hope. It can also mean sympathy or the end of a relationship,” I explain, glad that I can share a bit of his father’s beliefs with him.
I take one last look at the house and then turn and leave. I am closing the chapter on this part of my life. It’s time to stop living in the past and leave all the ghosts behind. Now we can start living for the future. I can only hope it will be kinder than the past.
As we pass over the town limits, I look back in my rearview mirror. We were happy here for a while, but now betrayal and sadness taint the place. It’s time to make fresh memories in a new place.
** Paige’s POV **
The four-hour drive takes us a little longer because of my inability to follow simple instructions from my sat nav. When we finally cross the border of our new town, I feel a sudden wash of calm.
As I slow down, the rustic wooden “Welcome to Cinderwood” sign makes me smile.
“This is it,” I say to Jax, who immediately turns his gaze to the window to take in our new home.
“Where is Auntie Pops?” he asks.
“I think she is at our new house waiting for us.”
At a slow pace, I drive through the picturesque town. Taking time to admire the old-style houses and clean streets. I point out a park and the small school to Jaxon, and he talks excitedly about finding new friends.
As we arrive at the small town house I’ve rented, I see Poppy and her friend Annie waiting on the front porch for us. I had arranged for her to collect the keys from the landlord.
“Auntie Pops!” Jaxon yells with enthusiasm as I open my car door.
“Hey, little J, I’ve missed you,” Poppy says, coming over to help him from the car and then pulling him into a hug.
“Stop. You’re squishing my jelly out,” Jaxon giggles as he attempts to wriggle from her arms.
“Come on, I can’t wait for you to see your new bedroom,” she says, giving me a one-armed hug before leading him inside.
I watch as they go inside and lean against my car to soak it all in. I breathe deeply. Dense woods behind our new home fill the air with the crisp, clean scent of pine. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and I have a good feeling about this place. I’ve never been here before, but it feels like I’m coming home.
“Mummy, come see!” Jax calls from the doorway, waving at me to come inside.
I wave back at him and move to the back of the car, grabbing our bags before lugging them into the house. The place is clean and already has a homely feel to it. The walls are all painted with a fresh magnolia. They’re like a blank canvas for us to decorate as we please. We have a six-month probationary period imposed by the landlord before we can decorate, giving us plenty of time for planning.
I follow Jaxon upstairs, where he excitedly shows me his new bedroom. His is at the front of the house and is slightly smaller than my room that’s directly opposite his. Both rooms have a double-sized bed, and Jax climbs straight on top of his.
“Do you like your new room?” I ask as he bounces excitedly on his bed.
“I love it. It’s so much bigger than my old one and this bed is giant.”
“Should we put your clothes away whilst mummy and auntie Pops bring the rest of the stuff in?” Annie asks, and Jaxon nods.
“Thanks.” I give Annie a grateful smile and take the second bag into my room.
I dump the bag next to the wardrobe and stop to look out of my bedroom window. The view is beautiful. There’s a small garden and then trees for as far as the eye can see. I chose this room because I love the view and the window seat. It will be perfect for reading.
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