Colton shifts uneasily on his feet, pulling me backwards so we step away from Varro, drawing my attention and sense to how much he dislikes anyone touching his mate. Even the man who is my biological father, and I relax knowing his readiness to battle is right there lingering around me, ready to protect me in a flash. Not that I feel Varro is even a threat. Even after what he just did to Juan.
“We’ll be waiting.” Colton churns out, that sulky tone of green-eyed monster in there, a hint of revulsion, and all I can do is sigh. I understand his mistrust and I know he can’t help it. There’s a lot to unpack in his feelings towards my father.
My eyes stray to the pool of thick dark blood on the floor and Jasper’s still standing figure right beside it. He’s watching us and yet his eyes keep straying to the left where I know Carmen is. He’s fighting himself against it and instead settles on glaring at me instead. This whole thing seems surreal, and I am bone achingly exhausted and I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s starting to feel like a dream as fatigue takes over my brain and I will for everyone to move so we can all go home.
Varro does a small scan of the room, turning lightly and nodding as though a goodbye to everyone present. Strangely respectful for a man who runs a kingdom of beings who slaughtered our kind for the past two decades. He’s oddly polite.
There’s a weird chill in the air, because this is the craziest night and the weirdest setting. I can’t get my head around the fact that it’s over and all of this somehow seems so anticlimactic. No one moves, no one makes any kind of facial response as all eyes fix on the vampire lord as he makes his exit in a smooth manner. Leaving without flair or dramatics, just disappearing into what’s left of the night. Jasper flinches as he steps out the door, as though longing to follow and immediately turns his eyes to Colton instead.
His facial expressions are tight, eyes narrowed, brow furrowed. His amber eyes glowing with his unsettled angry mood as he locks onto my mate. Stance full on aggressive warrior, waiting for any excuse to turn rogue.
“So…. What’s to be done with me? Don’t expect this to be an easy transition where I fall in line and become one of your pack. I don’t recognize any kind of alpha and the only reason I’m here, is because my true lord told me to stay and watch over my sister.”
Unravelling the pain
I watch my brother across the room, listless, and lost about how to approach him. Colton is pacing around, hand gesturing in an angry manner as he thrashes out whatever dialogue the two of them are having and Jasper keeps glaring his way. Arms folded across his chest, face tight, expression grim in an ‘I’m not interested’ pose and watching as my mate talks about what happens from here on in. Whether my brother likes it or not, he’s stuck with us and a life in this pack. I should be over there, contributing, coaxing, but I couldn’t stand it any longer.
Sensing Jasper’s pain and reluctance to start to let go of a decade of ingrained hatred and hurt was overwhelming me to the point of sheer exhaustion. His head full of vengeance and blind belief that the only cure to his emptiness is to somehow make the entire Santo pack suffer. To never return to being Lycan among a pack who would embrace him as family again. He sees only a name and a bloodline, and the details of the past do not seem to matter. I don’t even know how to begin to get through to him at all when he’s so far brainwashed into seeing us as only the enemy. He’s forgotten his own roots, his own needs as a wolf. Nothing I said dented that giant bubble of refusal that he shrouds around him like an impenetrable fort of darkness. I know it’s a form of self-defense but it’s not good for him.
He’s had years of conditioning, brewing over this pain and fury, with a daily dose of ‘we will seek revenge’ from his vampire carers. A diet of constant hate and plans of war. He can’t comprehend any other kind of existence or path. Can’t bring it together in his mind to latch onto the fact that there could be another way to end his suffering. His own wolf gifts are dampened, and his mind turned dark with only the goal of his own vendetta in sight. Lycans aren’t built that way and it goes against our very nature to hold onto something so self-destructive. It’s no wonder he’s so conflicted.
How do you unravel all of that and prove to him that he can live a normal and happy life once again, among his own kind, if he just tries? That he has a mate willing to come to him and help him through the worst of the confusion. She’s within his reach. Carmen knows the kind of pain and suffering he is experiencing too. She’s part of the bigger picture with her own wounds and pain and could be a healing balm to him if he lets her. Just like he could be what she finally needs to start to repair her own scars.
He needs a therapist, not Colton issuing orders and his imprinted mate hiding in the shadows for fear of rejection for a second time. Both are dealing with him in the wrong way.
I’m no better though. A decade apart and he’s not exactly the brother of the past that I loved so much and looked up to. We have both grown and changed in our own way and I am at as much of a loss as how to deal with this version of him. The one who was raised by creatures we warred with for twenty years is merely an image who looks like the Jasper I loved.
Carmen wanders in, drawing my eye, and watches them for a second by the door, for the third time, with that look of unreadable blank all over her face that hints she is burying intense emotion again. She’s turned inward since Jasper appeared and seems like she keeps running away from any kind of face on interaction with him. I know this is what she does. Avoids confrontation when it’s painful and deflects to other things. Her emotions are all over the place and even at this distance I can taste the heartbreak and indecision about what she should do. She blinks his way, eyes damp with unshed tears and then turns and walks back outside once more. My heart sinks, knowing she is afraid to approach him but every instinct in her keeps pulling back to him. The agony of imprinting and the fact it only gets worse the longer you deny it.
I watch Jasper and see only a subtle tensing of his shoulders as he senses her come and go. I know he will smell her scent at that distance as he’s so in tune with everything that is her since the imprint. He can’t deny it’s hurting him too, but he’s stubborn as hell, maybe more so than Colton ever was, and I think it’s going to take more than Carmen shuffling in to peek to make a dent in his armor. She needs to get up close and personal and make it impossible for him not to touch her, cling to her, and want her so badly it turns his head inside out. That’s what broke Colton, and maybe it’s how I should tackle my brother. Force them into proximity. Use the bond and its sheer overwhelming urge to bring him out of his own head and chase after the one destined for him.
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