Colton is obviously pissed. Majorly so. I mean to say something as hurtful as that to the girl he’s meant to be repairing his bond with. I clock on to the fact my mouth is sagging open and I quickly shut it and turn inside, trying to yank the door with me, sighing with relief when he realizes he is still jamming it open and lets it go.
“Screw you, Colton.” She screams it at him, that piercing high pitch sound that sends me into a slumping cringe as I grab my ears and attempt to keep the pain out. I literally sync with Colton’s pain, crumbling in the same kind of agony, and know her ‘gift’ has just been used against us once more as an effective weapon. She really likes to throw that around the way a toddler throws tantrums.
It stops as quickly as it hits and then in eerie silence and I pick myself up from the floor, pushing the bathroom door to click fully closed with my foot and hurry to pull his clothes on. Shaking from that assault and hoping to god she’s run off to carry on her hysterics somewhere her screams can’t rupture my eardrums.
You okay? Carmen needs to control her gift when she’s mad. That girl gives me major headaches.
He links me, from the other side of the door and I nod, stupidly forgetting he can’t see me. Not that it matters, his voice tense and I pick up on the frustration and turmoil in his emotions, wondering if it’s why I feel so tetchy too.
There’s a deep irritation rising in me that I assume is what he’s feeling, and I’m absorbing. There’s definitely a burning ember of ‘grrr’ growing in my belly and I can’t pinpoint why. Maybe it’s fallout from my trauma and the anger and aggression coursing slowly through my veins is some kind of temporary PTSD. I push it aside and focus on getting theses sweats on and tying them tight enough, so they don’t slide down. He’s so much bigger than me and they swamp me with oversizedness.
I shouldn’t have said that to her… She just makes me crazy lately. It’s like I have no patience for her and no real guilt over what we did. I know that makes me shitty, but we were bonded, and she has no idea how hard fighting that is… In my head, we didn’t do anything wrong, even though I know technically I cheated on my girlfriend. But she wasn’t anymore… I mean…. We imprinted! … And that pretty much meant you were my mate from that second on, and it blanked out all other feelings for her. What we did, was what we were meant to do.
He stops, and I inhale heavily. Guilt instantly thudding down on top of me from my own heart and not his, pushing my irritation button all the more and I answer abruptly. Not sure I want to be the one he pours all his Carmen issues out on. I mean this alone is making me feel sick with the stabbing pain it’s inflicting on my heart. I still feel the same way about him, so I don’t know why he’s trying to talk to me about her.
You don’t need to explain this to me.
In other words – I don’t want to hear this.
I know it’s just, this whole thing sucks. It’s a mess and despite her being the one I’m supposed to be working things out with, I never stop thinking about you.
I inhale sharply, and insta-tears sting my eyes that I try to shake away. We went through this already and it’s futile talking about it again. I know what we are and that there is nothing we can do about it. This is pointless and only drags out the agony of knowing so. He walked away and left me alone for these past weeks to really let that hit home. This, now, it’s all just fallout from something bigger than this mess. The attack brought him to me and nothing else. His survival rests on mine too.
Please don’t.
I try and shake him out of my head, but I’m too tired, to close the link when he is this near.
I know. I made my bed, right? I chose. And it’s not like this could ever work. My father would never allow it. I just don’t get why the fates would throw us together like this if we can’t ever be together. They’re meant to be the all-seeing power, and every choice has a reason. What reason did they have to do this to us?
His angst is evident, and I agree, but the way he’s rambling makes me lose all patience with him. Burned with my own pain, frustrated with all this Carmen bullshit he’s throwing at me and now this, what sounds like regret, and wishful thinking, and questioning our entire belief system as though he had literally no hand in this at all.
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