or anyone else I had known before I stayed with my dad.
When I had first come to live with him, my dad hadn’t liked talking about my mom, Uncle Steve, or anyone else. He was upset for a long time that she had kept me from him, and it felt like he just wanted me to forget about her. I learned pretty quickly that discussing my mom or bringing up Uncle Steve at the dinner table was a no-no.
And, after awhile, I stopped wanting to remember. When months went by without so much as a phone all or a visit, I just felt abandoned. I didn’t want to talk or think about someone who would just abandon me without another word.
At least now I can get some answers. I can ask her why she never bothered to call.
The sound of the door opening and footsteps entering the house echoed around the room. Steve looked up from the stove and smiled. “That would be your mother,” he said. “In here, May!”
The door to the kitchen swung open and I caught my first glimpse of the mother I hadn’t seen in seven years. She had aged but I could tell it was her. The same red hair, brown eyes, and freckles were unmistakable.
We’re still the spitting image of each other.
Her own eyes widened as she looked over at me. “Clark? Honey, is that you?”
‘There was a lump in my throat that I barely managed to swallow. “Yeah, mom, it’s me.”
Her eyes were watery as she smiled in disbelief at me
“a mother’s love endures through all.” 7 Washington Irving
For a moment, we were both frozen. Her eyes roamed over me like she was taking in every new freckle or strand of hair that had grown since we’d seen each other last.
And I was doing the same. She definitely looked older than the last time ‘d seen her, and yet, she didn’t look quite as tired as I remembered. There was a youthful glow to her, a spark in her eyes that Pd never seen before. Although it was clearly her, the amount of life in her felt unrecognizable. This was not the tired, strung-out woman I’d spent the first eleven years of my life with. This was someone else.
“My God,” she whispered, “You look…so grown up.” Her eyes had been watery before, but now, she was actually crying.
There was a tight feeling in my chest. Every part of me was overjoyed to see her – and yet, a tiny voice continued to whisper in my head. She abandoned you, remember? She didn’t even bother to call.
Still, that little voice seemed to fade into the background when she clasped her arms around me and squeezed.
The warm feeling in my stomach spread all the way to my toes. I was hugging my mom. In the flesh. And she smelled exactly like I remembered – like the vanilla perfume she always wore.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” she pulled back and I saw the tears streaming down her face. She had missed me?
The fear of rejection that I’d had about coming here, that my mom was going to turn me away, seemed to evaporate. I felt like I was a little girl again, clinging to my mother. She had missed me as I’d missed her.
“Come on, May,” Steve interrupted, sliding a bowl of mac and cheese toward me, “Why don’t you give the poor girl a moment? She’s got to eat. She’s been traveling all day.”
“Of course,” mom said, smiling at me with teary eyes. She cradled my face like she was afraid I was going to disappear right in front of her. “I just can’t believe you’re here. I was worried that…” She didn’t finish her sentence, but instead, looked away and pulled out a chair.
But she didn’t need to, I knew what she meant. She was afraid she’d never see me again.
But why was she afraid? All she had to do was pick up the phone or swing by for a visit.
Thad every intention to ask her, but after another stomach growl, my b*dy reminded me of its priorities. Food first, answers after. Ishoveled mac and cheese into my mouth and had to hold back a smile. How could something so simple and easy taste so good?
“How was work?” Steve asked, taking the seat opposite my mother. She continued to stare at me like my poor table manners were the best thing she’d ever seen.
“Oh, it was fine,” she tore her attention away to look at Steve, “Same as usual.” Just then, I noticed she was wearing scrubs. Steve had said she was coming from work, so she must work at a hospital or doctor’s office now. Well, that’s definitely new.
When I used to live with her, my mom had bounced from job to job but she was usually too strung out to keep anything for too long. She certainly didn’t look strung out now. She looked clean, and that was a way I’d hardly ever seen her before.
“You work at the hospital now?” I asked her.
“Oh, you’d be proud, Clark,” Steve boasted, “Your mom went back to school a couple of years ago and got her CNA
license. She’s been working at the local hospital ever since.”
My mom smiled sheepishly. “Oh, it’s not that big of a deal.”
“It is, May,” Steve smiled, and I watched him take hold of her hand, “You should be proud of yourself. I know I am.” I stared at their conjoined hands and a realization suddenly washed over me. Steve had said my mom was staying with him and that he was seeing someone ~ God, could my brain work any slower?
Steve is seeing my mom. ‘My mom is seeing Uncle Steve.
When the hell did they start dating? I know that was never a thing when I was around.
The confusion on my face must’ve been evident because Steve actually chuckled. “Oh, right,” he said, “This must look a little odd, huh? Me and your mom together?” I!
“I don’t understand,” I said, “I thought you guys were just old friends… was this going on when I was around?” I wracked my brain, trying to remember moments where Steve and mom’s relationship might’ve been romantic but I couldn’ find any.
Now it was my mom’s turn to laugh. “Oh no!” she chuckled, “Steve and I didn’t get together until about five years ago. It was after I finished my time in rehab and was starting my CNA license.”
“But I’d had a thing for your mother much longer than that,” Steve said, “I just didn’t want to overwhelm her.”
“More like you were waiting for me to get my life together,” mom rolled her eyes. There was a lot to process here, but all
I could think about was –
“Wait, you went to rehab?” I asked. “And you’re dating Uncle Steve. And you have a CNA license.”
All the anger and rejection that I’d been feeling earlier rose back to the surface. Clearly, my mom was doing just great on her own. She went to rehab, had a steady job, and was even dating Uncle Steve. She had – as she’d already pointed out –
gotten her “life together.”
But why did she have to dump me off at my dad’s house and abandon me to become clean? Was I such a burden that she needed to discard me so that she could focus on herself? Was it so hard to parent me that she couldn’t even call?
The mac and cheese tasted like lead in my mouth.
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