Tears welled in my eyes. This all felt so impossible at times, and I was sick to death of being so damn helpless in my own life. All the power I’d felt at having sex for the first time was gone, withered to nothing in the face of this problem that I couldn’t fix.
“If we completed our bond, do you think the pain would go away?” he asked, voice haggard. His shoulders were still slumped, and he didn’t seem to have the energy to look up right now.
I froze in shock.
Now that I hadn’t considered.
Brielle shrugged, looking just as frustrated as I felt. “Frankly, I don’t know. That kind of power surge could heal the connection, or if it’s too fragile, it could shatter it beyond repair. I had hoped your connection with your wolf would heal first, but it doesn’t seem to be improving so far.”
“No, it doesn’t.” I hated how defeated he sounded.
I might have been used to my weaknesses, but Lucien was an alpha. He was not used to being weak, ever. Angrily swiping away the tear trailing down my cheek, I remembered the little bottle of herbal paste I’d put together with Flantiera and pulled it from my bag with shaking hands.
“Here, let’s try this again. It should help ease the pain.”
The second my fingertips touched his brow, Lucien sighed, sagging in relief. “Just your touch makes him happier. Thank you.”
I applied the paste carefully, kissing him on the unscarred brow before pulling back to cork it and stow it away. I watched as it flared green and then disappeared into the scar once again.
“The pain is already fading. Thank you.” Lucien smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and he quickly looked away. A wash of shame that wasn’t mine flooded my chest, and I barely held back my gasp.
Was I picking up on Lucien’s emotions
?
I didn’t think that was possible before we’d bonded, but it was the only thing that made sense.
Gael came back inside, the sound of the door shutting behind him breaking up the crowd. Everyone began to disperse into different parts of the house, leaving only Brielle and me with Lucien in the foyer.
“I’ll give you two a little space, but if you need me, I’ll just be in the next room.”
“Thank you, Bri,” I murmured, not able to hold back my tears when I saw her compassionate expression.
“It’s all going to work out. I really believe that.” She hugged me tightly, then rose and quietly left us where we knelt.
“Do you want me to help you up, and we can go find our room? I’m sure a rest would help us both after all that flying.”
He shook his head, shoving himself to his feet without touching me. “I think… I think I need a little space, if you don’t mind.”
“Oh. Okay. Of course.” I felt numb as he walked away, watched as he took the stairs two at a time, all while I sat on the floor, alone with my tears and the silent echo of his shame in my chest.Lucien
Iwas so fucking ashamed of myself, I couldn’t breathe.
Last night, I’d collapsed in front of the whole pack again, and then to top it all off, I’d walked away and left my hurting mate alone on the floor. Then I followed the traces of Samuel’s scent down the hallway and asked him to let me stay with him, hiding from my mate with my tail between my legs.
Samuel was a better man than I because he didn’t even hesitate, just waved me inside without judgment. I deserved to be judged.
I was no better than the shitty father who’d haunted my nightmares last night, and that fact didn’t sit well with me. At all.
My father was an abusive bastard, and I’d spent most of my younger years swearing I’d never be like him. When he’d died, I hadn’t been sad.
And here I was, staring into a magically sparkling bathroom mirror with a gaudy purple frame, white-knuckle gripping the sink, dealing with the fact that I’d left my mate on the floor last night, crying.
The number of times I’d picked my mother off the floor looking just like that as a teen? Too many to count.
Granted, Olivia hadn’t been down there because I’d hit her-I would never lay a finger on her that she didn’t enjoy, and that I’d lost control and hurt her once, even by accident, would haunt me forever-but the look she’d given me as I walked away?
D?j? vu. She wore my mother’s expression, the one painfully seared into my adolescent brain, and I was sick with it.
I hung my head, resisting the urge to roar out my disgust with myself. But if I did that, everyone would assume I’d gone off the deep end and attacked Samuel again, then bust down the door to separate us.
Because I was a risk. To Olivia, obviously. But to the whole damn pack too. Not only a risk-a fucking liability. Damaged.
When I first saw it, I thought the hideous scar on my face was the worst thing that could possibly come from my capture and torture. Fuck, the desire for revenge still burned like acid in my veins about that. But little did I know, it would open the door for me to hurt my mate.
All the anger, all the worry, all the shame built and built in my chest until it was a burning ball of desire for one single thing.
Revenge.
I wanted it more than anything. I wanted to slay the fuckers who did this to me. And I knew in my bones I wouldn’t be happy again until their lifeblood ran between my fingers.
But what about Olivia? What happens to her when I go on a murderous rampage to get my revenge?
I didn’t know, and it froze the air in my lungs, pulling me out of my burning frenzy just as swiftly as being dunked in a tank full of ice water.
My little hellcat. She trusted me, and I’d let her down again. She was better off without my shit, I knew that. But would she let me go? Could I bear to leave her after tasting her sweetness?
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