“No, I’m serious. I talked to Lowe about the Northwest, and it’s bad.”
“How bad?”
“Bad bad. Like . . .
Our lives, bad.”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah. I feel way less special, knowing that there’s all this trauma waffling about.”
I sit on the edge of the mattress. “Is this about the cult I might be related to?”
“Koen told you about it?” She sounds surprised. “Lowe said he probably wouldn’t.”
“Some of it. Yesterday something weird happened.” Understatement of the week. Prepare the wall plaque. “A guy came at me and started yelling thesaurus prophecies.”
“Hang on, I thought they killed the cult twenty years ago?”
“They thought so, too. Surprise.”
A long pause. “Cool.”
“Yeah.” I sink back into the pillows. “Very.”
“Serena, are we bad people?”
“Um . . . Morally? Spiritually? Fiscally? Because I did your taxes every year and exploited every single loophole in the medieval castle that is our financial system, but- “
“I’m just saying that we must, to some degree, have done something to deserve the shit coming our way.”
“Well.” I rub my palm against my belly, wondering if the cramps I’m experiencing are a fun new addition to my symptoms dance card. “We did pretend you were overtaken by bloodlust that time Mr. Barca got a paper cut.”
“And made him piss himself. You know what? Maybe it was worth it.”
“Still, I don’t know that our lives necessarily needed a cult plotline.”
“Agreed. Wanna hang up and spend the rest of the day buddy watching that Human show about the MILFs?”
“Yeah, actually.”
“Tough shit. I’m giving you the cult deets whether you want them or not. What do you know already?”
I take a deep breath. “That Constantine was like, the Were equivalent of Rasputin.”
“I have no idea what that is.”
History was never her strong suit. “Do you know what his ideas were?” I ask. “What he promised his followers?”
“How do you know he promised something?”
“Isn’t that the whole point of a cult? I’m your leader. You do what I tell you, and I’ll give you eternal life, unlimited wealth, rebirth in a world where everything tastes like pineapples- “
“What about, ‘And I’ll turn you into a Were’?”
I sit up in a quick, fluid movement I did not think my abs were capable of. “Are you for real?”
“Yup. It was some deranged shit. The cult ran several generations deep. The original founder was one of those cuckoo bananas Were supremacist guys who thought that the other species should dedicate their lives to massaging his feet. Weres should control the means of production, that kind of stuff.”
“Sounds familiar.”
“Totally. Roscoe, the former Alpha of the Southwest, was a bit like that. His wife, Emery, is Koen’s aunt. And I’m sure in some East Coast packs they won’t let you graduate first grade if you can’t spell at least ten Vampyre slurs. The world’s full of assholes, and the dung beetles love it. Sadly, the original founder of the cult was just a little too batty for everyone’s taste. He was originally from the Southwest, but they politely asked him to leave. Lowe used the word ‘exiled.’ I’m not sure whether he was being melodramatic or if that’s a thing among Weres.”
“Why did they kick him out?”
“Ruining the vibes? Unclear. But the dude took his family and friends and made himself comfortable at the border between the Southwest, the Northwest, and the most rural parts of Human territory. Kept themselves busy by writing their scriptures on the inside of cereal boxes. It started as a small settlement, less than twenty Weres. Packs monitored them, even interacted, but nothing significant happened for decades. Until his daughter, or his son’s daughter- Lowe tried to draw me a diagram but got stuck- went to a trading meeting with the Northwest and met her mate.”
“Constantine?”
“Nope, some guy named Jochem. Originally, the couple were going to live together in Jochem’s huddle. But, big surprise, Jochem decided that the cult made some valid points and that the other species should, in fact, show their soft underbelly and let the Weres feast on them. They moved in with the cult. Even brought some friends. And had a few kids.”
“Among them, Constantine.”
“You know what? You’re clever for a hybrid.”
I bite back my laughter until my cheeks bleed. Sometimes I miss Misery so much, it hurts every atom of my being.
“The thing about Constantine, he was also cuckoo bananas, but smarter about it. Early on, he figured that if he wanted to take the family cult business to a pro level, he needed more followers. But Weres, even the assholes, were not interested in leaving their cushy packs to sit around a bonfire and discuss their infinite superiority. So he turned to his Human neighbors. But he needed to offer something of value, and what’s more valuable than becoming faster and stronger, living longer, and having a fluffy secondary form?”
“How the hell was he proposing to turn Humans into Weres?”
“Apparently there were bites and mutual blood drinking and a not insignificant amount of sex rituals.”
I groan. This is too stupid, even for me. “What about the fact that they are different species? What about science?”
“You are so cynical. A little science could never stand between a frat boy and his desire for a monthly howl fest.”
“It makes no sense. We both lived among Humans- have you ever met anyone who said they wished they could be a Were?”
“No. But I’ve also never met anyone with a belly-button fetish, and they exist.”
“Do they?”
“Alvinophilia. Look it up. Anyway, fast-forward ten years or so, and Constantine has hundreds of followers. Lots of them are Humans from the rural places neighboring the original settlement, but some are from The City, too. They basically act as servants and free labor, which in turns begets new Were followers. The leadership is fully Were. Constantine’s career as a charismatic leader is up and coming. If dudes do as he says, they’ll be able to bench-press women at the beach with their pinky fingers. If women do the same . . .” She hesitates. My throat tightens, because I know what she’s about to say. “Their children might just be born Weres.”
I close my eyes. Wait for the room to stop spinning. This scenario fits my situation better than a bespoke dress. “Like me.”
“Well, your mom drinking Were blood had nothing to do with you being a hybrid. But . . . yeah.”
“That’s why they want me. It’s not about who I’m related to. They think that I used to be Human, and Constantine turned me into a Were.”
“Yup. And in case you’re wondering,
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