“No. This hideout is very close to the northernmost border of the Northwest, and to the Canada pack, too. We almost never use it. But we have better ones. Mostly, we live scattered, hideout to hideout. We meet often, but we cannot live clustered in a compound like we once did.”
“Why?”
“Because of the Harrowing. If the Northwest knew, they would come after us. Separate us from our families. Did you know that my grandfather has been in a Human prison for decades? I have never hugged him.” Her eyes shimmer with tears. “But we are getting stronger. We’ll grow our numbers again. Irene says that you’ll bring us visibility.”
My throat feels like sandpaper. “Is that her plan? Keep me here like a symbol of the Favored?”
“There is no plan,” Nele reassures me, her pretty face guileless.
“Come on, Nele. Did you not hear her downstairs? If nothing else, she’s using me to draw Koen here and hurt him.”
“Oh, no. You don’t know her.” Quickly, she comes to kneel beside my chair, taking my hand between hers. My gut churns.
“What does she plan to do to him?”
“Nothing! We’re not like that. We just want to live in peace, Eva. We abhor violence.”
“You abhor
– Nele, I was taken against my will. I was assaulted and drugged and- “
“That’s different!” Her grip tightens. “We had to bring you here so that you could decide whether you want to be with us.”
“I don’t,” I say sharply.
“But you don’t have all the information.”
“There is nothing that- “
“You can’t be sure. You’ve only heard Koen’s side of the story. There are others. And when Irene reveals them, you might change your mind. See that he and his seconds are inhumane.”
We are not Human. Funny that if Koen were here, he’d probably agree with her. I shiver and pull my hand away from Nele’s to hug my knees. That’s exactly what I need- Koen, here. With me.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know that you are one of us. Will always be.” Her smile is apologetic. Young. “Irene sent me up to help you prepare for your Heat.”
“Prepare?”
“She said it’s coming soon.”
My stomach drops. My mind races with horrifying possibilities. “Prepare how?”
“The ceremonial markings.” She picks up a small jar full of a thick black liquid. When she holds it closer, I realize that it might be closer to a dark blue. Or green. “Don’t worry, the dye will stain lighter.”
“Stain . . . what?”
“Your skin. Are you not familiar with the tradition?”
“I’ve been a Were for about twenty minutes.”
“Oh. Well.” She glances at the door, clearly considering getting Irene.
“I- I don’t care about traditions, I mean.” I bite my tongue. To punish myself. “No need for the markings.”
“But Were customs are important. And if you don’t . . . Irene might be angry.” In the slight tremble of her lips, I hear what Nele doesn’t say.
At me.
And I don’t want that. Irene is a stand- up gal- good to know.
“Eva- “
“It’s not my fu- ” I stop. Take a deep breath. The abduction/Heat combo isn’t doing my temper any favors. Or maybe I just take after Irene. “Nele, will you please call me Serena?”
“The name the Humans gave you?” Baffled lines appear on her forehead. “You want to honor it?”
“It’s not that . . .”
Deep, I want to say. Except, isn’t it?
Serena is the name by which my sister calls me. The name on my diploma. The name Koen whispered in my ear last night. Eva might be what Fiona chose when I was a child, but it belongs to someone who was at the mercy of others, someone who doesn’t exist even in her own memories. Serena was a spur-of-the-moment decision by a nurse, but it’s my name because I made it so. Everything I built is attached to it.
“Yes. I do.” I glance at the jar in her hand. “How do I know it’s not poison?”
“It’s not at all! Look.” She smears a large quantity of the liquid on the inside of her wrist. When she wipes the excess away, the stain is a dark, brilliant green. It reminds me of a forest at night.
It reminds me of Were blood.
“Can I, then? Irene taught me, just for you. I’ll do good.”
I nod and let her guide me into the bathroom.
FOUR HOURS LATER, THE RAIN HAS YET TO STOP, AND IRENE HANDS me Fiona’s letter.
She calls me from downstairs and asks me to join her for tea, addressing me as dear once again. I put on the hoodie that Nele laid out for me and stumble out of the room, stopping by the hallway window to press my burning forehead against the glass.
It’s bad, this fever. My abdomen is cramping. I desperately need new underwear. My thoughts feel slippery, difficult to chase and impossible to catch. Every once in a while, I snag the tail of one and am dismayed to find that they have little to do with my insane aunt wanting to use me as proof that orgies and drinking Were blood are Good, Actually. It’s usually a large, coarse hand closing around my hip. The scrape of stubble against my throat. A soft kiss on the curve of my shoulder. My nest, back at the cabin.
Several new people have appeared, including three male Weres, bringing the total in the house to too fucking many. Everyone smells putrid. I need a shower. I need to bury my face into the T- shirt I’m wearing and chase Koen’s scent. I need that hormone shot, right now.
“Would you like me to introduce you?” Irene asks when I sit at the table. “You will have to make a choice soon.”
The acquisitive glances of the men are hard to miss. They stand by the entrance, fidgety, pupils blown wide. Maybe I didn’t overreact by too much when I broke the ceramic soap dispenser in the upstairs bathroom and stuffed the sharpest piece in my pocket. “No. I would like to read the letter, then leave.”
She surprises me by handing it over instantly.
“The photos, too,” I say.
“You have seen them already.”
“And I want to see them again.”
“Very well.”
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