No wonder Juan has become so much colder and crueler. His softer voice of reason, who could sway with her bond to him, has been gone for years and offers no conflict to the decisions he makes. Only a mate is truly allowed to argue, sway, dispute openly, or try and reason with an alpha, without real backlash or punishment. He rules with aggression now, and logic, and has no tender care for anyone who isn’t worthy. Her warm eye on her people is missing, and her heart in their wellbeing, it’s why so many of us were pushed out.
“He didn’t even let me say goodbye… he said it was for the best. Just had her moved and didn’t tell me until she was gone. I feel like he’s ashamed of her for being weak.” Colton’s voice croaks a little, his emotions pushing through despite him trying to shield them, and it pains me to feel that kind of broken anguish. He was her only child, and from what I can feel, they loved one another deeply, as a mother and son should. It’s an almost unbearable pain as it swarms me, but I can relate. I knew this pain and have grieved with the same intensity. It’s the mourning of a parent’s death, even if he hasn’t lost her to the underworld.
“And that’s why he hates me, because he thinks I’m the same.” I point out, watching for the reaction on his face, his eyes still glowing amber as he stares at the floor over his crossed legs, unable to look me in the eye when caught in despair. I think Colton is ashamed of being so broken by this, another pointer of Juan’s parenting skill. Colton has been lacking a mother’s touch for half his life. The most important years while he was forming. The one who should’ve nurtured and softened him after he was forced into battles as a child, taught him not to blindly follow his father in the way he does, and instilled the strength to be his own alpha. That was the Luna’s job as his mother. He’s been at his father’s mercy for years, baring down on him, and conditioning his outlook without restraint, it’s any wonder Colton’s as caring as he is and not more like Juan. Teaching him the cruelest of lessons about loyalty and compassion to your mate, and the unimportance of love.
He discarded her as weak and put her somewhere to rot, because he was shamed by her inability to handle what was thrown at her. He chose the good of the pack, over the mate he was destined to care for. No wonder Colton is screwed up. His role model, and moral guide, taught him that love is secondary to duty and his heart has no value in what his decisions should be. It taught him that to love is not enough, that to imprint is not an excuse, that the pack must always be the priority even if it goes against his own needs.
“He just wants to protect me from the heartache he’s endured. A mate in bond who still plagues his mind, but it’s like she’s dead. I don’t think he goes to wherever she is anymore as he hasn’t left this place for more than five years.” He shrugs with one shoulder, glancing to the side of us as a tear rolls down his cheek and I can tell he feels awkward at showing that kind of softness, probably hearing his father in his head, sneering and scolding him for it. Wolves are macho and men they try not to cry much. Juan probably chastises him for any kind of compassion, empathy, or show of care in this way.
Impulsively I slide from my chair and mirror his pose on the floor in front of him, so our knees touch and we sit face to face. My hand sliding to cover his thigh, and I lean in, heart exploding with the need to console him. My own mind racing with many thoughts and reasons and explanations and seeing not a strong dominant alpha before me, but a scared young boy who wants to let go of the choices that are too hard for him to make on his own. In so many ways, he’s still that eight-year-old kid who went from joyous ceremonial turning, to battle worn warrior in the space of a year.
“I’m not her. This isn’t about us.” I point out, knowing that somewhere deep inside he has those doubts. He saw my gifts coming through, he’s started to really know me, and I hope he can see that as vulnerable as I may appear, there’s a strength in me. The vampire attack it hurt me, left my heart weeping for those I’ve lost, left me with horrible dreams and a fear of the dark shadows, but it didn’t crush me. Neither did the loss of all I held dear when I was only eight years old.
He needs to know that this situation might have a completely different outcome to his mom’s and that what happened to her, is so rare, I never knew it could before he told me.
“It doesn’t matter what I think. If I believe you’re stronger than her or not.? He thinks I’m blinded by the bond and he doesn’t trust my judgement. How can I know if he’s right or wrong, when I’m so inanely in need of you it pushes logic out no matter how I reason? He’s right in the fact that our people need a future leader with a strong Luna by his side, but he can’t accept that you’re her. And I don’t think my heads clear enough to know without my heart always changing it.”
I get the full whack of his confusion and despair as he lets go of the floodgates he’s been holding back, and I’m swamped instantly with the chaos that’s been living inside of him since that night. It’s overwhelming, and I am drowned with the urge to sob, tear my heart out, wail, kick someone and scream all at the same time. I have to cling on, like I’m on a rickety raft on a turbulent sea as his emotions devour me and almost snap me mentally with the force of such chaos. I breathe through the surge, until it settles inside of me and calms enough to reel my thoughts and breathing into calmer waves. Rationale pulling my brain to him.
“Tell me honestly…. Deep down in your gut, your instinct, without questioning it, just impulsively answer; do you think I’m capable of being that Luna?”
I need to know his true feelings without his foggy mess coloring it. Need to understand what our future really holds. If he really believes I’ll be wrong for his people, deep in his heart, then I know, no amount of time together, kissing, or even sex, will sway him from doing what’s right. His father’s a voice in his head and his mom is a shining example of the result if he chooses wrongly. His people matter more than I ever gave him credit for, and his head is full of the vampire wars that are going to start all over again. If he does believe in us, then I can’t let him stray down this path without a fight.
He’s afraid of having me, only to lose me to a broken mind when our world’s turned upside down, or maybe even death, which ends us both. His father’s filling his head with all of this doubt and it’s all so very clear now why he’s struggling with what he should do.
There’s a part of him who’s strong enough to defy his father if he chose to, I was wrong about that, I see that now. He swayed him over the villagers and their coming here under force.
It’s Colton’s own insecurity over whether he can put his feelings aside and make a right choice, not just for his people, but for us, that’s screwing him up. He’s terrified of what might happen to me if he puts me in a? place that his mom was, carrying the burden of many, riding into battle ahead of the hordes, and expecting me to mentally hold myself, and them, together as a Luna should. He’s overthinking all the possibilities, with many others whispering in his ear. The men who are wiser, older, powerful in our midst. This is way more complex and it all feels so hopeless. It’s not just about a wolf deciding on a mate… it’s so much more hanging in the balance. He’s our future, where all eyes lay to lead us when Juan no longer does.
“I’m not going to lie… I don’t know.” He flinches as the words spill out, screwing up his face and hunching down in disappointment at his own inability to even answer that without confusion.
More Kickass Werewolf Reads
Dive into our collection of free werewolf romance novels—where fierce Alphas, daring heroines, and heart-stopping twists await. Every story burns with forbidden desire, loyalty, and destiny. Don’t wait—here’s a world where love bites hard and nothing is stronger than the call of the mate.
Leave a Reply