“You’re comparing yourself to her for no reason, honestly. Gavin loves you-clearly, he loves you only. Jenny just seems to want to be close to us. Not to Gavin,” I said, trying to explain what I had observed. I understood why Jenny might be trying so hard to fit in with us. Being Gavin’s roommate, maybe she wanted the group to expand, making things more peaceful for everyone.
“I don’t know anymore. My confidence has really gone down, Helanie. After what happened today, I feel like I’m not good enough,” she said softly. I can understand her emotions.
I knew this would happen. Those bullies didn’t just attack our emotions or bodies-they were torturing us mentally.
“That’s not true. You are more than enough. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me you’re not pretty, you are gorgeous. Those bullies are the worst-don’t let them get to you,” I said with a sigh, feeling a little better myself.
But she didn’t seem to budge. The way she shook her head, barely moving, made me feel even angrier at Arlo for his comments.
For a moment, I thought about going to Emmet to tell him what had happened in the cafeteria. But then I remembered how things worked around here. The bullies were seen as a way to “test” a person’s strength-how they responded, reacted, and fought back.
If I kept running to Emmet for help, I’d be labeled weak. I didn’t want to act like a child going around complaining.
“How are you feeling now?” she asked, changing the subject and checking on me.
“I’m not entirely okay. Maybe once I change and get into my comfy bed, I’ll feel better,” I said softly.
Thankfully, Lucy understood. We really needed to get away from here. I wasn’t sure if the bullies would come after us, and it wasn’t just the top seniors-they weren’t the only ones doing the bullying. Even some of the other seniors were actively targeting the juniors.
“Anyway, let’s get you to your room. You should change and rest,” Lucy said, holding my arm and starting to walk me to the hostel.
I was in a really bad state, feeling weak as if I might throw up again.
“Come on, you’ll be fine. We’ll get you some soup-and even candies! Candies and chocolates always work for me,” Lucy said, trying to sound cheerful. I knew she was faking it, but I let her.
I did intend to have a conversation with her later and remind her how special she is.
As we walked into the elevator, I noticed Lucy take a deep breath. She usually took the stairs like the rest of the students, so this must have been her first time using it. I felt the need to warn her about the buttons though.
Last time, I had accidentally pressed the button for the 10th floor, and the hallucination that followed made everything so much creepier. I will be lying if I say I haven’t thought about checking that floor myself to see if it was indeed just a hallucination. Something just told me it was more than just that.
“Be careful with the buttons. Don’t press the 10th floor,” I sighed, barely able to keep my eyes open. I remembered the last time it happened-the weirdest hallucination had left me shaken.
Later that evening, when I returned from dinner and took the elevator alone, since Gavin and Lucy had taken the stairs, arguing the whole way, the 10th floor button had kept blinking, as if asking to be pressed.
“Huh? Don’t worry, I won’t land you on the 9th floor,” Lucy said quickly, pressing the right button before turning back to support me.
“No! I’m talking about the 10th floor,” I said, taking a deep breath, my voice trembling. My vision was blurred by tears, though I tried to make it seem like it was just because I wasn’t feeling well.
I wasn’t feeling well-there was no lie in that. But the truth was, I was also hurt and worried.
“Helanie! What are you talking about?” Lucy’s voice had a hint of playfulness, but I couldn’t bring myself to smile.
“The 10th floor… it just clicks by itself. And then-I don’t know-the elevator doesn’t actually go to the 10th floor,” I said, struggling to piece together my thoughts. Was it real? Should I ever check it out? I mean, if there is a floor, there must be students there in the dorm rooms.
“Um, there is no 10th floor. The building only has nine floors,” Lucy said matter-of-factly.
The minute those words left her mouth, I opened my eyes and turned my head, raising it from where it rested against the wall of the elevator. I stared at her, suddenly alert. She didn’t seem like she was joking.
Quickly, I glanced at the buttons. Sure enough, there was no 10th-floor button.
“Huh? But I saw the button-” I trailed off, confused. I clearly remembered seeing the button before. Even after the hallucination, I had seen it. So, it wasn’t just in my head.
But now… there was no button at all?
“You must have mistaken it for the 9th floor,” Lucy said gently, rubbing my arm in an attempt to comfort me.
“No, Lucy. I know what I saw. There was another floor-” I stopped myself, unsure of what I was saying. What if I was wrong? What if it was a hallucination?
What if there was never a button?
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m just not feeling well,” I mumbled under my breath, rubbing my face with my hands to calm myself.
The elevator door opened with a soft ding, and Lucy helped me out, guiding me toward our room with so much care it made my chest ache.
Helanie:
“You will feel better if you rest,” Lucy said as she helped me change and even washed my uniform for me.
“I hope the bath is helping. I just don’t understand-why didn’t you just sit in your undies? Are you really that shy?” she asked, worried about why I had worn a dress to sit in the bathtub in front of her.
“It’s alright. You don’t have to answer me,” she smiled gently when she noticed I was struggling to come up with a reply.
“Have you spoken to Gavin? Wasn’t it him calling you earlier?” I asked, having noticed her phone ringing multiple times, though she kept avoiding it.
“I don’t know what to say to him right now,” she admitted softly, holding a sponge in her hand as she cleaned my arms with it. She had insisted on giving me a bath, and there was no way she was taking no for an answer.
“Lucy! How will you two resolve the issue if you don’t even talk about it with him?” I said, genuinely unable to understand the argument between them.
She seemed reluctant to believe the pain in her chest could stem from anything else.
“Did you not see him take care of her hair this morning? Helanie, if your mate knows you’re insecure about someone or something, and they keep doing it, what would you think of it?” she asked.
She wasn’t wrong. I would flip out too, but at least I’d have a talk with my mate-or even an argument.
But silence? Silence could be deadly for relationships.
“I know you don’t believe me, and I don’t expect you to. I know what I felt-I just don’t understand why he can’t stay away from her! Like, why does he have to do her hair in the middle of the hallway, knowing I’d be coming downstairs at any moment? He’s not even trying to help me with my doubts,” she groaned, tears filling her eyes.
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