I had to remind myself that I was the one that wasn’t sure about a mate, even though that uncertainty seemed to slip away each time he looked at me.
D.amn mate bond.
It was just, the more I got to know him, or the more used I got to his presence. I didn’t know if I wanted to let him go. Not like that choice was just up to me. After I said I wanted to be friends he didn’t mention the mate thing again.
He just stopped by with coffee for me, and then started bringing some for Cali after she practically demanded it. He would sit for a few minutes a day and talk to me and then leave.
Every day it was the same until I didn’t see him again.
(Willa)
“It’s a little under an hour away, call if you need anything and we will be here.” My mom bit her wobbly lip.
“It’s actually over an hour,” My dad looked at her confused.
“I didn’t want to worry her, Vincent.” My mom only used his full name when she was upset and his eyes widened.
“We will be here in under an hour if you need anything,” My dad promised.
“Thank you. No, that doesn’t even cover enough of what you did for me, for us. I don’t know how to thank you or ever begin to repay you,” I couldn’t help the prick of hot tears. I was flooded with gratitude and love and outright admiration for my parents.
“Honey, we wanted to.” My mom pulled me in and my dad wrapped his arms around us both.
“We loved every moment of it,” My dad kissed the top of my head and I believed them.
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand when I heard Emmett’s feet behind us.
“Here,” He waved a piece of paper with a picture he drew of all of us by the cabin.
My mom kneeled down to take it from him.
“You drew this?” She gushed, and he nodded proudly, “I can’t wait to frame it, we’re going to hang it up at home.”
“Don’t forget,” Emmett whispered.
“Never,” My mom promised lifting him up as my dad patted his head.
“Thank you for letting us live with you, and we can’t wait to come back and visit,” My dad said to him.
“Soon,” My mom added.
“Can I come visit you too?” Emmett asked and my stomach tightened.
The fact that he couldn’t go back to visit the pack that he was supposed to one day lead made my stomach churn. I clenched my fist against the swirling hurt and rage. I was mad for Emmett, for what was denied to him.
“Maybe someday,” My mom said after a moment, I knew she was looking at me but I couldn’t face her gaze.
“Now,” Her voice broke as she looked down at her grandson, “We have to get going but we promise we will be back soon.”
Emmett frowned but wrapped his arms around her neck.
I hoped for the millionth time that I knew what I was doing, that what I was doing was right for him. Even if it wasn’t perfect now, I prayed I was working towards something to give him the best life I possibly could.
“We are so incredibly proud of you,” My dad pulled me in again and I took a deep breath.
Remembering this moment. Even though it was underlaid with sadness, the warmth, love, and pride I felt from them was something I never wanted to forget.
“You okay?” Cali asked after we walked mostly in silence toward the restaurant.
I nodded, and then thought better of it and shrugged.
“It’s a lot,” Cali said, “If you need anything or get lonely you know where I am. Also, I am always down for a sleepover,” She nudged me.
“I will take you up on that.” My voice didn’t sound like mine.
I felt afraid.
I wasn’t used to being on my own ever. I knew I had Emmett but it was different having other adults around. I went from my parent’s house to the Blue Ridge Packhouse, then the cabin. I never lived alone and I never took care of Emmett by myself completely.
I swallowed against the lump in my throat.
Cali wrapped an arm around me pulling me to a stop when we were a block away from work. She sighed before pulling me into a hug and I let her.
“The first time I moved out I think I cried myself to sleep for a week,” I wasn’t expecting that, she didn’t seem like the person that would ever cry, “I felt so scared and so angry that I was the one shouldering the burden even though it takes two to, well you know,” She chuckled into my ear before pulling back.
“It’s terrifying, but you get used to it faster than you think. Then one day,” She shrugged, “It actually gets good. I mean there is a lot about my life that isn’t perfect, but the small things, especially when you see your kid enjoying the life that you worked so hard for, then it’s all worth it.”
“Thanks,” I smiled at her but I knew it looked weak.
I wanted to believe her, I did believe her actually. Her words helped but they didn’t erase the tinge of dread that still clung to me.
I settled into work, hoping the rush would come early so my mind would be filled with menial tasks and memorizing orders.
I felt the need for him more so than most days. I knew that when he got here I would have at least a few minutes of distraction. I found myself wanting to tell him what I was feeling and talk to him about it.
I wanted to go past the flirting today. I wanted to see what he would say and how he would handle a situation like this.
I didn’t really know what I needed from him. Comfort? A pep talk?
Nolan used to tell me it would be okay and then hug or kiss me. But I don’t know if that ever really helped. It felt like more of a dismissal than anything now that I looked back on it.
The diner started to pick up, it was what I wanted but usually, this happened much later, after Caspien came.
I checked the clock and it was already lunchtime.
A feeling, slightly different than the fear and dread that lingered today settled in.
He didn’t come at all that day.
Emmett and I sat alone at the dinner table and I tried not to glance at where my parents sat every day for over five years. I tried even harder not to let him see how much their absence affected me because I knew he felt it too.
The place felt heavier, it seemed darker too, and definitely empty.
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