“I know. I would do the same for you. You’re everything I never knew I wanted or needed and life with you these past months has changed everything that I knew and felt before. You make my world brighter, better… even with the way things are with the attacks. You give me security that we’re going to be okay. You’re the alpha we all needed, and you are the best, for not just me, but everyone here. I hope you know how much they all respect and value you. How grateful they are that you took your place early and brought them out here.” I don’t tell him this enough and I feel like he needs to hear it more often. He does so much for all of us and yet never asks for anything in return.
Colton is quiet for a moment, and I gaze up to find him staring straight ahead, his eyes glazed with moisture as he catches me looking at him and smiles. I can feel his emotions mingled with mine, that well of happy ache and overemotional overwhelm. He may look solid and rough, but Colton is still that sweet boy inside and he carries so many insecurities thanks to his father.
“I sometimes doubt myself. Being only nineteen and running an entire pack, a homestead, being responsible for everyone here….. I hate to admit that sometimes, I want to run and hide and be a normal teen, for like a day.” He sighs and I exhale with him. Feeling exactly how he does.
“Soon be twenty… only a few weeks left so maybe you should reward yourself with a day off and go act like Colton pre alpha, pre mountain fight. Kick back and enjoy the last of your teens if only for a moment.” I encourage with a smile.
“You know all I would do all day is keep you shackled to the bed, so maybe not…” He grins down at me and kisses me on top of my head when I giggle at him.
“You’re hopeless.”
“For you I am!” he hits me with cheesy words and a wink and I eyeroll. So quick to go back to being that sex mad boy that I can’t get enough of.
“And then you ruin the romance vibes with the worst chat up lines. Come on, Alpha Santo, we have your mom waiting for dinner most likely. Get that look off your face or she will know exactly where your mind is at.”
“She’s my mom, she knows where my mind is at all the time, so there’s no point trying to hide it. She birthed an alpha boy. She knows what that entails.” He chuckles and I shove him in the abs. Sighing at his one-track mind and shove him backwards to get him moving. Colton relents and slides his arm around my shoulders instead, hauling me into an embrace to walk beside me and kisses me on the head as we move for the door.
“Do you never think that your mom longs for another child. To make up for all those lost years of your childhood?” I nudge him as we walk, making our way out into the main hall and head for the stairway.
“I wish my mom could de-mate from my dad and find someone else to start over, have another, maybe more than one, but we both know that’s not a possibility. The mate bond can’t be broken without death…. If it could, I would have done it for her already. Let her pick another and have those years back.” He guides me up the steps, watching his speed so as not to trip me and I squeeze my arm around his waist a little.
“Given the circumstances maybe allowing her to find another and break a little rule wouldn’t be such an awful thing, right?” I ask warily, knowing that despite the rules being set in stone for all wolves, alphas can sometimes make exceptions and sway the people a little in times of need. Say if Sierra had a lover and a stand in mate, despite being bonded to someone else. No one would judge her for replacing that asshole Juan after what he did to her.
Colton sighs and glances down at my face, his serious expression taking over, and he shakes his head.
“Even if I could justify her having a lover, a non-mate to pup with, to live with …. she would never agree. My mom has always lived by the laws and her bond to my dad would always stand in her way. I’ve thought about it. Hell, I see the way she looks at Radar whenever he shows face, and with every part of my soul, I would happily let him romance her. Radar has been a father figure to me since he came back from the wars, but he too is strait laced and would never cross that line, so it’s not even worth pondering. He can’t even look her in the eye because she was once his Luna. It’s a nice thought, but completely hopeless and it will never happen on either side of that pairing.” His deflation taints my hope but doesn’t fully extinguish it. Once I have something brewing in my mind, it’s hard to let it go.
“Maybe not as lovers, not as mates…. maybe as a companion. You could reinstate him as a guard, to shadow his Rema. She needs someone to spend her time with and Radar is besotted with her. He always has been. Maybe with forced proximity, something could blossom.” The cogs in my head turn but Colton drops his brows to frown at me with a sweet look of ‘no’
“He’s too shy around her. He freezes up, trips over his words and anytime she does speak to him he comes out with harsh abrasive responses that makes it sound like he doesn’t like her at all.” Colton sighs and ruffles my hair with a frown. “I get what you’re saying, I do. I don’t disagree, it’s just, those two are hopeless and as companions I think they would stand silently at each side of a room, avoiding eye contact and making painful stilted statements and never really relax. Radar sees his Luna, even still, and he can’t ever lower his respectful boundaries. Mom sees a shy guard who once risked his life to save hers. Some wolves are never meant to be more.”
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