Yes, it was my fault for existing, my fault for being born. If I didn’t exist, Noah wouldn’t be mated to me. Perhaps the goddess would have given him Bella then, the perfect match for a man like him, but I had to exist.
‘Why are you still alive, Carrot?’ I asked myself. ‘Everyone wants you gone so what do you exist for?’
“If you won’t reject me,” I started with a heavy heart, “then I will reject you.” Taking a deep breath, I spoke, “I, Carrot, of Red Lake pack, reject you, Noah Howard, as my mate.” I hunched over as the stabbing in my heart continued. Tears blurred my vision for the nth time that night but a chuckle came from above me.
“I refuse your rejection.” He was the alpha, the more powerful of the two of us. It was unfair but without his permission, our mate bond could not be broken. “Before I let you go, I’ll have to break you completely.” His eyes sparkled with hatred. “Maybe then I’ll see what’s inside you that gives you the audacity to hold up your head in my presence.” He spat on my face.
At the crack of dawn the next morning, a message came from the Alpha and Luna of Red Lake.
That night, I could not sleep. I cried and cried until I had no tears left to cry despite that, there was no sleep. Anguish twisted my insides, a dull pain striking my heart at intervals. In the end, I sat up in bed and stared out the window into the night sky, wondering when all this would end, hoping I would catch a break from all the afflictions in my life.
“Carrot!” Someone knocked hastily on my door. “You better not be sleeping.” I scrambled out of bed as my door flung open, banging against the wall. “Did you not hear me knocking?” Sylvia shouted, wagging a finger at me.
“I was just about to open the door,” I muttered, rubbing my eyes with a pounding heart.
Sylvia was the head of an omega group, the one I belonged to. Even in that group, I was an outcast. Red Lake had a total of seventy-four wolves headed by Alpha Howard and Luna Grace. Despite our small size, Red Lake pack had beta and omega packs which were smaller units in the main pack headed by an alpha or a beta. Sylvia headed the smallest unit of the main pack, an omega pack because she was the weakest beta in Red Lake. The sub-pack comprised omegas – and me. She hated me.
“Who are you talking back to?” She sneered, closing the door behind her.
“I – I’m sorry.” I hung my head with a burning throat.
It hurt me to bow my head to these people all the time. It made my insides twist and my skin tighten, but I had no choice. In Red Lake pack, I was the weak link – the bottom of the bottom – so I had to defer to everyone, or else I got beat up and starved for days.
“You should be sorry,” Sylvia quipped, her fists clenched at her sides. It was clear she wanted to hit me and I readied myself to shield my face but to my surprise, she didn’t hit me. Instead, her lips curled and she eyed me from head to toe before letting out a sound of disgust. “The Alpha wants to see you.” My heart fell while my mind went into overdrive.
“W – Why?” I asked with a gasp. It was a mistake.
“Silly girl!” Sylvia bellowed, rushing me. She was an enormous woman, over three times my size, so when she ran into me, I, of course, fell back, wincing as I hit my tailbone and at the same time her fist descended on me.
“Who are you to question me?” She shouted. “I’m going to knock some sense into you. What gives you the right to act so conceited? How dare you question me when I say the Alpha wants to see you!?” She punctuated each word with a hit. My face, my chest, my stomach, she hit me everywhere and I didn’t have it in me to block my face.
I stayed still on the ground and withdrew into my shell. Inside my shell, I felt nothing. She hit my body but I felt nothing. She called me names but I heard nothing. In my shell, the world faded away and I was safe and sheltered – detached from the suffering I faced on a daily basis.
“Are you dead?” Sylvia got off me, shaking my shoulders with more force than necessary.
“No,” I responded. It didn’t matter that I wished I was dead – I was alive still.
“Good,” she spat. “It’s too late for you to die now.” With those ominous words, she wrenched me off the floor and set me on my feet. My knees gave way and I tumbled back to the ground. “For goddess’ sake!” She dragged me back up. “Don’t keep the Alpha waiting!”
“Okay,” I mumbled, smoothing down my dress.
“You – This -” Her eyes blazed again and it looked like she was about to hit me. “Wash your face before you leave,” she snarled at me before leaving, slamming the door shut behind her.
All the rooms in the pack house had bathrooms except mine. Every pack member stayed in the pack house for free except me. I was lucky to have a room even if the door was broken and there was nothing in it but a small bed meant for a child.
I laughed as I wiped my face with a wet rag, blood trickling down my nose. There wasn’t much humour left in my world – scratch that, there wasn’t any humour at all. Last night, the only hope I had of being happy was cut off and now it felt like I didn’t have a reason to live. I was sick and tired, mostly tired, and I just wanted to close my eyes and embrace darkness forever. A part of me knew it was dangerous to have such thoughts but I didn’t care. I no longer cared about anything.
I walked down the stairs and met Amanda coming up. Amanda was the head of the kitchen in the pack and with the way her eyes lit up with red rage when she saw me, I knew she was coming upstairs to look for me.
“You!” She pointed her trademark wooden spoon at me. “Have you forgotten you’re on kitchen duty with Fatima today?” She shouted.
“The Alpha called for me,” I responded in a monotone.
“Ah -” A strange look flashed in her eyes. “Are you okay?” A curious emotion crossed her face. I stared at her for a second and then another. It was the first time anyone ever asked about my well-being and I didn’t know how to respond.
“Yes,” I answered and then continued on my way. A hand gripped my bicep, stopping me.
“Carrot, what’s the matter?” I recognized the look in her eyes then. It was worry and it was the first time I ever saw it directed at me.
“Nothing.” I pulled my arm from her grip. “The Alpha called for me so I’ll be on my way.” I wondered what she saw in my eyes.
What did you see, Amanda? Why are you suddenly worried about me?
I was too tired to care.
The world was grey as I trudged to the Alpha’s home a few blocks away from the pack house. Someone said something to me as I passed but I didn’t hear her. I couldn’t understand the resignation that washed over me, neither did I understand how fast it has come but I was tired. I wanted to close my eyes.
“You’re here.” The Luna opened the door before I knocked. “Carrot?” She sounded dubious as if she could not believe her eyes.
“Good morning, Luna.” I bowed my head in respect.
“Are you alright?” She asked, her brows furrowing.
“Yes,” I gave the same response I gave Amanda. “The Alpha called for me?” I asked, a strange cold spreading inside me.
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